Following the path of meditation can feel like a gradual unraveling of the known—a shedding of what we once held onto, leading us into the mystery of contemplation. As I continue reflecting on the works of St. John of the Cross, this sacred shift from meditation into contemplation becomes clearer. It is not a step we take with effort but a grace that gently unfolds when the time is right.
St. John speaks of this transition as a call to surrender, but it is not the kind of surrender we can will into existence. Instead, it is a letting go that happens when we stop striving, when we allow ourselves to simply rest in the presence of the Divine. This is where the familiar practices of meditation—focused attention, mental inquiry, or breath awareness—fall away, giving space for something more profound to emerge.
Today, I felt this shift more deeply, not as an intellectual understanding, but as a living experience. The pratyayas—the thoughts, sensations, and memories that rise and fall—became like whispers, their pull softening in the presence of curiosity. This curiosity is not the kind that seeks answers, but one that witnesses, without needing anything to happen. In that gentle witnessing, something new emerged: a spaciousness, a quiet stillness that felt like home.
This experience is not unique to Christian mysticism. In Advaita Vedanta, the practice of self-inquiry often begins with a repetitive questioning—”Who am I?”—an active search for truth. But, as with St. John’s teachings, there comes a time when even the inquiry must dissolve into silence. The seeker steps back, not into a place of knowing, but into a place of being. In that being, all effort falls away, and we are left with the pristine awareness that has always been there.
In silence, love calls,
No longer through words or thought,
But in quiet grace.
This is the threshold between seeking and being, a place where the Divine does its quiet work in us. It is no longer about striving or yearning for a deeper experience; it is about trusting in the unfolding of love, which asks only that we rest in its presence.
For those of us on this journey, may we continue to trust this sacred shift—moving from meditation into contemplation, from seeking into being. In this silent surrender, we come closer to the essence of who we truly are.
As I re-read the works of St. John of the Cross, I have become more attuned to the threshold of transition—the dryness and emptiness that so often precede the invitation to move from meditation into contemplation. This is not unique to St. John; it is something pointed to by many of the great teachers. Whether it’s Namkhai Norbu, Ramana Maharshi, Thich Nhat Hanh, the Dalai Lama, or Orgyen Chowang in Pristine Mind, they all plant the seeds of meditative absorption, which only take root when the time is right. Now, it seems, those seeds are beginning to bloom, not as intellectual concepts, but as a living, unfolding experience.
Today, I found myself drawn into this quiet transformation. As I lay in stillness, the pratyayas—those passing thoughts, sensations, and memories—began to rise and fall, like waves on a distant shore. Curiosity, that soft and patient witness, guided me deeper, not into understanding but into presence.
The breath came of its own accord, a deep release from somewhere beyond my conscious will, as if the body itself knew what needed to unfold. And then, an awareness—a spaciousness—arose. It was not something I had summoned, nor could I hold it in place. It was simply there, naked and pure, like a clear blue sky.
St. John of the Cross speaks of this as a kind of surrender, but not the kind we can choose. It is a grace bestowed, not earned. In the stillness, I realized that my role was not to force this shift but to allow it to happen. To remain as the observer, the witness, as the Divine unfolded in its own time.
What struck me most deeply was the paradox of this surrender. The very act of trying to let go becomes an obstacle. Instead, it is curiosity that opens the door to pure awareness—curiosity that has no desire, no need for something to happen, but simply observes what is.
Today, in this unfolding, I realized that even the longing for deeper experience can become a barrier. The path is not one of striving but of witnessing. And in that witness, the Divine does its quiet work, purifying what needs to be released, and bringing us ever closer to the essence of who we truly are.
As I reflect on my own journey today, it is my hope, and the shared intention (Sankalpa) behind all of this work, that by sharing these reflections, insights, and experiences, they may serve as a guide, a comfort, or a spark of inspiration to those who come across them.
🙏🕊️🙏
Book Recommendation: St. John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul
Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross is a spiritual masterpiece that explores the transformative power of suffering and the journey toward union with the Divine. This work describes the profound spiritual experience of being stripped of all attachments, both inner and outer, as a necessary process for purification and deeper connection with God. For those experiencing a time of spiritual dryness or emptiness, St. John’s words offer hope and guidance through the darkness, illuminating the path to deeper faith and surrender. The Dark Night is not a time of despair, but of ultimate transformation, where we are invited to let go of our limited understanding and trust in the unfolding of the Divine. This book serves as a timeless companion for anyone navigating the challenges of the contemplative path, especially those who feel drawn to the shift from meditation to deeper contemplation.
Book Recommendation: Orgyen Chowang, Our Pristine Mind
In The Pristine Mind, Orgyen Chowang offers profound teachings on accessing our natural state of mind—a state of clarity, openness, and peace. He draws from the Dzogchen tradition, emphasizing that our true nature is already pure and perfect, and that through practice, we can return to this unconditioned state. For those on a contemplative journey, Chowang’s words provide a practical path for moving beyond mental noise and distractions, guiding us back to the inherent stillness of the mind. This book is especially helpful for those who wish to deepen their meditation practice or shift from intellectual understanding to living experience. The Pristine Mind invites readers to discover the profound joy and serenity that arises when we rest in the awareness of our true nature.
On the spiritual path, we often find ourselves in moments of struggle, isolation, and uncertainty, wondering where the Divine is in our darkest hours. The old story of Footprints in the Sand offers a timeless reminder: even when we feel most alone, we are never truly abandoned. The footprints that carry us through the storm are those of the Divine, supporting us in ways we may not recognize in the moment.
The Story of Footprints in the Sand
The familiar story goes something like this: A person looks back on their life journey and notices two sets of footprints in the sand during times of ease and joy, but only one set of footprints during their most difficult and painful moments. Confused and feeling abandoned, they ask God, “Where were you when I needed you the most?”
God gently replies, “During those difficult times, when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
This story is simple yet profound, capturing the heart of the mystic journey—trusting that in our most challenging moments, even when we feel lost or abandoned, we are being carried by a greater force.
Trusting in the Divine Support
As mystics, seekers, or those walking a spiritual path, there are often periods where the way forward feels unclear. We may find ourselves fumbling through transitions, dealing with loss, illness, or inner turmoil, and it’s easy to feel as if we are walking this path alone. However, like the person in the story, we may later come to realize that during these times of struggle, we were never alone. We were being supported, even carried, by something greater than ourselves.
The footprints of the Divine, whether we call this presence God, the Universe, or our Higher Self, are always there, even when we cannot see them. Part of the mystic path is learning to trust in this unseen support, to have faith that during the most difficult stretches of our journey, we are being held and guided.
Recognizing the Invisible Presence
There are times when we may not feel the direct presence of the Divine, and it can be easy to feel lost or disconnected. But as we reflect on our experiences, we begin to see that in those moments, there was something carrying us through. Perhaps it was an inner strength we didn’t realize we had, the unexpected help of a friend, or a moment of grace that appeared when we needed it most. These are the Divine’s footprints in our life.
As mystics, part of our practice is to develop this awareness—to recognize the quiet, invisible ways in which the Divine shows up, even when it’s not immediately obvious. The more we trust this presence, the more we can rest in the assurance that we are always supported, no matter how difficult the path may seem.
Surrendering to the Flow of Life
The story of Footprints in the Sand also teaches us about surrender. When we are in the midst of struggle, our minds often fight to control or resist what’s happening. We want to fix things, to understand why we are going through a challenge, or to make sense of the pain. But surrendering to the flow of life, trusting that we are being carried, allows us to soften into the experience and let the Divine do its work.
This doesn’t mean passivity or giving up, but rather a deep trust that the difficulties we face are part of a larger unfolding. The footprints remind us that we are not the sole navigators of our lives. There is a greater force walking with us, carrying us when needed, and guiding us toward the deeper truths of our being.
Walking the Mystic Path with Faith
For those on the mystic path, the message of the footprints is a reminder of faith—not blind faith, but a faith born out of experience. As we reflect on our own journeys, we begin to see how the Divine has been present, even in the most challenging times. This faith allows us to walk the path with more confidence, knowing that the footprints are always there, even when we cannot see them.
In our moments of doubt, when the path feels difficult or unclear, the footprints remind us that we are never truly walking alone. We are always being carried by the Divine, supported in ways we may not fully understand, but that are always present.
Conclusion: The Footprints in Your Journey
As you navigate your own spiritual journey, take comfort in the footprints that appear along the way. Trust that during your most challenging times, the Divine is carrying you, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. The mystic path is not always easy, but it is always supported by a presence that walks with us, guiding us toward greater understanding and deeper connection with the Divine.
May this story of Footprints in the Sand serve as a reminder that no matter where you are on your path, you are never truly alone. The footprints of God, the Divine, or the Universe are always there, carrying you through the storms of life and walking beside you in the moments of joy.
Living with chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) often feels like carrying an invisible weight that never goes away. The exhaustion is far beyond ordinary tiredness, permeating not just the body but the mind and heart as well. For many of us, this illness can feel like a curse, a complete derailment of life’s trajectory. Yet, over the years, I’ve come to see it also as a strange and unexpected blessing—one that has thrown me deeper into spiritual practice, into moments of stillness and contemplation I might not have otherwise known.
At its worst, the illness can leave me in bed, lights off, no sound, in a state of complete sensory deprivation. And it is in these moments, when there is nothing to distract me from my thoughts, that I’ve had to learn how to truly be alone. Learning to witness my reactions, cultivating equanimity, and practicing calm-abiding meditation have become vital companions on this journey. For many years, I focused on the Tibetan practice of Samatha, or calm-abiding meditation, as well as Vipassana, which allows for a deep awareness of the present moment. Sitting in stillness, aware of whatever calm I could find within, helped me cultivate equanimity—though it remains a practice I still have much to learn from.
But there was another essential practice that transformed how I related to my suffering. The practice of Metta—or loving-kindness—invites us to take our own pain and suffering and recognize that in this vast world, we are not alone in what we feel. When my illness has been most acute, whether through mental anguish or physical symptoms, I’ve practiced thinking: In the same way that I am experiencing this illness, this suffering, this pain, there are others in the world who experience this too. And then, from the heart, I offer the prayer: May I, and all beings, be free from this suffering and its causes.
This simple yet profound shift in perspective allowed me to transform my experience from one of isolation and misery into a practice of compassion. Instead of being stuck in my own pain, it became a way to benefit others by cultivating loving-kindness for all those who suffer. In this way, even my most difficult experiences became part of my spiritual path. ME/CFS was no longer just an illness—it was an opportunity to deepen my compassion, both for myself and for others.
Of course, this hasn’t been an overnight transformation. It took many years of spiritual study and practice, drawing from teachings like the Four Noble Truths of the Buddha, the Noble Eightfold Path, and eventually the teachings of Advaita Vedanta. Through these teachings, I came to recognize the fluctuations of the mind, or vrittis, and learned to observe the content of my thoughts—pratyayas—without identifying with them. This practice of witnessing the mind has allowed me to find peace in the midst of the storm, much like the Dark Night of the Soul described by St. John of the Cross.
For me, it has felt less like a dark night and more like twenty years of spiritual darkness, but nonetheless, this darkness has also been a teacher. Learning to be present with my suffering, rather than resisting it, has become an integral part of my life with ME/CFS. And while the illness has forced me to withdraw from many aspects of life, it has also drawn me into the heart of spiritual practice.
To anyone living with this illness, or any chronic illness, I offer this: it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. It’s okay to grieve the life you once had or the future you imagined. But there are also practices—like Metta, calm-abiding meditation, and witnessing the mind—that can transform this suffering into something that nourishes not only your soul but the souls of others as well.
May you, and all beings, be free from suffering and its causes. May this invisible weight become a doorway into the mystic, where even in solitude, you find that you are never truly alone.
For those of us living with post-viral Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), mindfulness can be an invaluable tool. When energy feels scarce and symptoms overwhelming, mindfulness offers a gentle, non-judgmental way to relate to our experience. It’s not about forcing ourselves to be positive or ignoring the very real challenges we face, but about creating space within our hearts and minds for what is happening right now. It’s about simply being present with our thoughts, emotions, and sensations without adding layers of frustration or resistance.
I remember early in my practice when I first realized how much energy I was spending resisting my illness. I fought against it, mentally and emotionally, with every fiber of my being. That resistance, though understandable, made me sicker. But over time, through the teachings of mindfulness, I began to soften that resistance and learned to sit with my experience as it was—without the layers of anger or frustration. That shift changed everything.
One of the most beautiful things mindfulness teaches us is how to cultivate self-compassion. It allows us to look at ourselves with kindness, to acknowledge that we are doing the best we can, given the circumstances. Chronic illness can often bring feelings of isolation, inadequacy, or even guilt. But through mindful awareness, we can learn to treat ourselves as we would a dear friend—with warmth, understanding, and patience.
In my own journey, self-compassion became a practice of offering myself a soft place to land amid the storm of chronic fatigue. I learned that it was okay to have limits and that pacing was not a failure but an act of wisdom. Through mindfulness, I could honor the ebb and flow of my energy without judgment, allowing myself to rest when needed and cherish the moments of peace when they arose.
The spiritual path of transforming suffering into enlightenment has been a guiding light for me over the years. Drawing from the teachings of Buddhist masters like Dodrupchen Jigme Tenpe Nyima, I’ve come to see how our relationship to suffering—and to happiness—shapes our inner world. For so long, my relationship to ME/CFS was fraught with resistance, and that resistance was its own kind of suffering. But through mindfulness, I’ve slowly learned to soften into my experience, to meet it with equanimity, and to allow each moment to become an opportunity for growth.
Mindfulness is not a cure for chronic fatigue syndrome, but it offers a way to live with greater peace and resilience. It is a daily practice of acceptance, of meeting ourselves where we are, and of nurturing a sense of compassion for the journey we are on. Whether you are new to mindfulness or have been practicing for years, there is always room to deepen this practice, to cultivate a gentle presence that supports healing, both emotionally and spiritually.
For me, the journey is ongoing, but each step I take is filled with the intention that this path is not just for my own peace and well-being but for everyone whose lives I touch. Together, as we cultivate more mindfulness and self-compassion, we build a bridge toward greater understanding, peace, and inner liberation.
A Haiku on Self-Compassion
In stillness, we rest, Soft whispers of kindness grow, Healing in our hearts.
I hope these words bring solace, support, and a reminder that we are not alone on this journey. Together, we are cultivating a way of being that embraces both the challenges and the beauty of life, one mindful breath at a time.
When post-viral ME/CFS first appeared in my life over 30 years ago, it was like a sudden, uninvited guest that turned everything upside down. The plans I had carefully laid out—the career, the teaching, the travel—came to a screeching halt. My body, which once felt like a reliable vehicle for my ambitions, became a source of constant limitation.
For many people today, especially in the aftermath of COVID, the experience of long COVID or post-viral ME/CFS can feel like a similar trainwreck. The life you knew, the expectations you had, are suddenly out of reach, and you’re left grappling with a new reality—one that modern medicine often struggles to explain, let alone resolve.
I remember the early days well. The confusion, the depression, the overwhelming frustration that came with the unrelenting fatigue. In the beginning, it was hard to see any way forward. It felt like I was being asked to surrender everything I had worked for, again and again. Every time I hit a new limit, I had to lower the bar, lower it again, and lower it even further. It was a painful process of letting go, not just of my physical abilities, but of my identity and the future I had imagined for myself.
But over time, and through countless moments of surrender, I began to see that while the path I had planned was no longer possible, there was another way forward. It was a quieter path, more inward, but it was no less valuable. Writing became my outlet, my way of contributing to the world, even while living in solitude and spending much of my time in bed.
For those of you reading this who are newly facing the reality of post-viral ME/CFS, I want to acknowledge that this is not an easy journey. It’s okay if you need to take breaks, both from reading and from the mental and emotional load of processing what this diagnosis means. Be gentle with yourself, and if you find the post too long, take it in pieces, come back when you’re ready. The key is to pace yourself, in life and in reading.
Surrendering to a New Reality
One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was surrender—over and over again. Post-viral ME/CFS teaches you that you can’t control everything, no matter how hard you try. Every time I felt like I was getting close to managing the illness, there would be a setback. My energy would crash, and I’d find myself in bed for days or weeks at a time. At first, it felt like defeat. I had to give up so many aspects of life I’d taken for granted.
But over time, I realized that surrendering wasn’t about giving up. It was about accepting what is, rather than constantly struggling against it. The more I fought the reality of my illness, the more frustration I experienced. Letting go didn’t mean that I had to stop hoping or working toward better health, but it did mean that I had to stop resisting what I couldn’t change in that moment.
Surrendering, in this sense, became a way to make peace with the limits of my body, to find moments of ease even when everything else felt out of control. It was an ongoing practice, one that I still revisit, especially on difficult days.
Navigating Others’ Reactions
In addition to learning how to surrender, one of the most difficult challenges I faced early on was dealing with other people’s reactions. In those early days, many people didn’t even believe post-viral ME/CFS existed. I heard things like, “You just need to drink more coffee,” or, “Have you thought about taking naps?” Even when I was officially diagnosed as disabled by the government, my own mother thought I was just lazy and needed to be more active.
This kind of misunderstanding, disrespect, and dismissal is, unfortunately, a common experience for many who suffer from post-viral ME/CFS. Family, friends, and even doctors would question or deny my experience. I’ve heard stories of doctors telling their patients not to even talk about ME/CFS because it “doesn’t exist.” It was often treated as a garbage-pail diagnosis, or dismissed entirely.
While there is more understanding of post-viral ME/CFS today, the stigma still remains. Making peace with this aspect of the illness has been a long journey. What helped me most was cultivating compassion, not just for myself but for others. As Jesus said, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Having compassion for the people in your life who may deny or diminish your experience is a key part of finding peace.
An Evolving Perspective on Post-Viral ME/CFS
In the early days of my journey with post-viral ME/CFS, I found myself going through what felt like the stages of grief as described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. At times, I thought I might be dying, and I cycled through stages of anger, grief, depression, and confusion. Acceptance didn’t come quickly, and it took years of processing and reflection before I could reach that place.
One of the major steps toward acceptance came when I read How to Be Sick by Toni Bernhard. This book resonated deeply with me, and for the first time, I felt like someone truly understood what I was going through. Toni’s reflections on illness gave me a new sense of validation and self-respect, and her practical tips helped me develop a healthier way of relating to my experience. I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with post-viral ME/CFS.
Then, during a meditation class organized by students of Sogyal Rinpoche, based on The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, I began to find deeper peace. It was around this time that I discovered a Tibetan sutra titled Transforming Suffering and Happiness onto the Path of Enlightenment. This teaching profoundly shifted my perspective once again.
As I read the sutra, I realized that my anger, frustration, and negative emotions were not only draining my energy but also exacerbating my symptoms. It became clear to me that these stressful emotions were making my condition worse, and that when I was able to relax, let go, and find inner peace, I had greater capacity and longer periods of activity without crashing—or without crashing as severely. This was an important revelation: cultivating acceptance, forgiveness, and inner peace didn’t just feel better, it actually minimized my symptoms.
Shifting Perspective: The Sutra That Changed Everything
One passage from the Tibetan sutra resonated deeply with my experience of post-viral ME/CFS:
“Whenever we are harmed by sentient beings or anything else, if we make a habit out of perceiving only the suffering, then when even the smallest problem comes up, it will cause enormous anguish in our mind.”
This teaching hit home because, for a long time, I had been focusing only on the suffering. Everything in my life had become an enemy—my body, my circumstances, even the people around me. The more I centered my awareness on the pain and limitations, the heavier everything felt. Even the smallest setback would feel unbearable.
The sutra showed me that the more we focus on suffering, the more it grows and colors everything we experience. By recognizing this, I began to understand that shifting my focus away from the suffering and toward acceptance could help me find peace. It wasn’t about denying the reality of the illness, but about no longer letting it dominate my entire perspective.
The true transformation came not only by making peace with suffering but by learning to approach both suffering and happiness with the same equanimity. I had to remind myself that when I’m unhappy, this too shall pass, and when I’m happy, this too shall pass. This reminder became a useful way to stay balanced through the ebb and flow of life—the good days and the bad days, the good months and the bad months.
Additionally, I found comfort in William Blake’s words: “He who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity’s sunrise.” It reminded me to appreciate the little moments of happiness, to savor them without attachment, knowing that they, too, are fleeting. This perspective helped me not to be disturbed by the constant changes and to find a sense of peace amidst it all.
Discovering a New Path: Writing as Healing
As I continued to navigate the ups and downs of post-viral ME/CFS, I eventually found a new passion that helped me stay connected to the world and give expression to my inner journey: writing. Although much of my life is spent in solitude, and my physical abilities are limited, writing has become my outlet, a way to contribute and share what I’ve learned.
Through writing, I’ve been able to explore the lessons of impermanence, forgiveness, and acceptance, not just for my own growth but as a way to offer encouragement to others walking a similar path. Chronic fatigue may limit what I can do in the physical world, but it has opened up this creative space where I can still connect, reflect, and contribute.
In this way, writing became not just a coping mechanism but a practice of karma yoga, an offering. It’s a way to kiss the joy as it flies, even amidst the challenges of chronic illness, and to embrace each moment—whether in suffering or happiness—as an opportunity for growth.
🙏🕊️🙏
“He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity’s sunrise.”
Harnessing Inner Peace: A Pacing Toolkit Tool for Those Living with ME/CFS or Long Covid
As I reflect on the approaching Hurricane Milton, I’m reminded of the powerful moment when Jesus calmed the storm on the Sea of Galilee. His disciples, gripped by fear, watched as He simply said: “Peace! Be still!” and the storm settled. In this moment, I feel called to do the same—to access the peace of God within me and speak to the storm, “Peace! Be still.” I truly believe this is what Jesus asks of us, to practice this promise, and to remember that even faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.
But this call to peace and stillness isn’t just about the external storm. As someone who lives with chronic fatigue, I know how much of a difference it makes to calm the storms within as well. The mental and emotional stress can often intensify symptoms like post-exertional malaise (PEM). So, I remind myself to relax my mind and heart, to let go of worry and concern, and to give my body the space it needs to heal.
One of the tools I turn to in these moments is Pristine Mind Meditation, as taught by Orgyen Chowang in his book Pristine Mind: Journey to Unconditional Happiness. Pristine Mind is the pure, natural awareness that exists within all of us, untouched by thoughts or emotional turmoil. By resting in this space, I find that it helps me manage my symptoms, reduce stress, and pace myself more effectively. It’s an essential part of my pacing toolkit, allowing me to not only physically rest, but also calm my mind and emotions, preventing flare-ups of PEM and other symptoms.
In this moment, I invite us all to join together in saying to the storm—whether it’s the physical hurricane or the inner storms we face—“Peace! Be still.” Let’s tap into the divine promise that’s always been ours and use the tools we have to cultivate peace, clarity, and healing within ourselves.
Let us, from a place of faith and trust, send love to this storm and say to it: “Peace, be still.”
There is something about preparing for a storm that feels like a dance with the Divine—both a surrender and a determined act of mindfulness. As I sit here in the quiet hours before evacuation, I realize that this has been more than just a physical process of gathering what I need. It has been an intimate spiritual journey, one that stretches my capacity to trust, to let go, and to deepen into the lived experience of the present moment.
Living with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) means that every action I take must be intentional. Every task requires careful pacing, every moment of activity balanced with long periods of rest. There is a delicate art to navigating this kind of preparation, especially during a post-exertional malaise (PEM) crash. Yet, somehow, this storm has become a mirror—reflecting back the inner landscape of my spiritual practice, calling me into a deeper relationship with contemplation, with surrender, and with faith.
The Importance of Pacing I began the preparations by gathering what I would take with me: clothes, medications, bedding, and electronics—just enough to fill a small suitcase and backpack. For most, this might seem like a simple task. For me, it was an act of delicate pacing. I worked in small bursts, then returned to rest, mindful of the balance I needed to maintain in order to avoid worsening my symptoms. Each step of preparation became a meditation on pacing, on honoring the limitations of my body while trusting in my ability to persevere.
In these moments of rest, I found myself returning again and again to the practice of contemplation. I lit a candle, not only for myself but for all those who are suffering—for all sentient beings in the path of this storm and beyond. There is a peace that arises in this kind of surrender. A quiet knowing that, no matter how much preparation is done, the outcome rests in God’s hands. And that, somehow, is enough.
A Shift from Meditation to Contemplation This journey has been more than just practical preparation. It has been a spiritual unfolding. For years, I have studied the teachings of Advaita Vedanta and Dzogchen, exploring the ways in which these paths guide us beyond intellectual understanding and into a direct experience of the Divine. In the midst of preparing for this hurricane, I felt a deepening—a shift from meditation to contemplation.
Contemplation is not about thinking or striving. It is about resting in the space of the witness, in the awareness of what is, without grasping or resisting. As the storm approaches, I find myself leaning more into this practice. Each moment becomes an invitation to let go of control, to allow the Divine to move through me, and to trust that whatever happens, it is part of a greater unfolding.
Mindful Eating and Body Awareness Even the simple act of eating became a mindful practice. I prepared a spontaneous meal—scrambled eggs with garlic and cayenne, rich in healthy fats and protein to fuel me through the day. As I ate, I focused on each bite, slowing down, tasting, being fully present with the nourishment my body needed.
In the midst of so much uncertainty, these small acts of mindfulness brought me back to center. They reminded me that, even as the world outside seemed to spin with chaos, I could find peace within the present moment. I could honor my body’s needs, even as I prepared to enter an unfamiliar shelter and face whatever lay ahead.
Pacing the Preparation of the RV As I packed my belongings, I also prepared my RV, the place I call home. I moved slowly, bringing frozen food to the clubhouse, unplugging the RV, securing what needed to be secured. I paced myself, taking each step with intention, aware that my energy was limited and precious.
There is something sacred about these practical tasks, when approached with mindfulness. They become a part of the spiritual practice, a way of aligning the outer world with the inner. In unplugging the RV, I was also unplugging from the need to control. In securing my belongings, I was also securing my faith—trusting that whatever happens, I am held by something greater than myself.
Karma Yoga: Offering and Receiving Prayers During this time, I also turned to the practice of Karma Yoga—offering prayers for the world, while asking for prayers in return. I posted a prayer request on Facebook, asking my community to hold me, and all those in the storm’s path, in their hearts. The response was overwhelming. The outpouring of love, of people offering their prayers and well wishes, became a source of strength for me. It reminded me that, even in times of uncertainty, we are never alone. We are held by the compassion of others, by the grace of the Divine, by the interconnectedness of all life.
Surrender and Trust And so, I surrender. I surrender to whatever will be, knowing that I have done all I can to prepare—both physically and spiritually. I surrender to the wisdom of the Divine, trusting that, in the midst of this storm, there is a deeper unfolding happening. There is a lesson in the letting go, in the release of control, in the peace that comes from trusting that God’s will is always unfolding in ways that we may not understand, but can still embrace.
To those who read this, who are also navigating life with chronic fatigue syndrome or facing similar challenges, I hope this reflection offers you some sense of peace. We cannot always control the storms that come our way, but we can choose how we prepare, how we respond, and how we anchor ourselves in the presence of the Divine.
May you be safe. May you be held. May you find peace in the midst of the storm.
The purpose of this post is to offer a gentle introduction to the philosophy of Advaita Vedanta and the practice of self-inquiry. These teachings invite us to explore the true nature of the Self, to go beyond the surface identities we cling to, and to rest in the awareness that unites all of existence. For those who wish to dive deeper into these topics, I’ve included links to several related posts below, which offer further insights and practical guidance.
The Journey into Advaita Vedanta and Self-Inquiry:
In the quiet mystery of life, there are moments when the questions we ask begin to turn inward, drawing us closer to the core of our being. For those of us who sense the call of something deeper, something beyond the surface of everyday experience, Advaita Vedanta offers a path of profound inquiry and realization. It is a philosophy, an invitation to explore the oneness of all existence, and a reminder that our true nature lies beyond the identities we so often carry—beyond our thoughts, emotions, and physical forms.
Advaita Vedanta, rooted in the ancient wisdom of India, whispers to us that the Self, or Atman, is not separate from the ultimate reality, often called Brahman. In Jewish mysticism, this ultimate reality is known as Ein Sof, the boundless, infinite source of all that is. In Buddhism, it is pointed to as Buddha Nature, the inherent purity and potential for awakening in every being. The Dzogchen tradition speaks of Pristine Mind, the natural state of awareness, while many Indigenous traditions refer to the Great Spirit or Grandfather as the essence that permeates all life. Though the names may differ, they all point to the same underlying truth: that we are not separate from the divine or the infinite source. This insight offers a profound shift in how we understand ourselves and the world.
Advaita Vedanta and Self-Inquiry:
The world, as we perceive it, is seen as a veil—a temporary illusion that hides the underlying unity of all that is. This illusion, known as Maya, clouds our awareness and leads us to believe that we are separate individuals, bound by the limitations of time, space, and our bodies. But the teachings of Advaita Vedanta remind us that the true Self, or Atman, is not bound by these limitations. Atman is one with Brahman, the unchanging, eternal reality that underlies all existence.
The practice of self-inquiry is central to uncovering this truth. It involves turning inward and asking the fundamental question: “Who am I?” At first glance, this question may seem simple, but its implications are profound. When we ask this question sincerely, we begin to notice that the identities we typically associate with ourselves—our name, our body, our thoughts—are all temporary and subject to change. If we are not our body, not our thoughts, not our emotions, then who are we?
This process of questioning leads us deeper and deeper into the nature of the Self. Rather than seeking an intellectual answer, self-inquiry encourages us to observe the experience of “I”—the feeling of being, of awareness itself. By turning our attention inward, we can trace the sense of “I” back to its source, discovering that our true essence is pure awareness, untouched by the fluctuations of the mind or the conditions of the world.
Ramana Maharshi, one of the great sages of modern times, taught that the practice of self-inquiry is the most direct path to realizing this truth. He encouraged seekers to continually ask, “Who am I?” and to follow this inquiry until the ego, or the false sense of self, dissolves into the pure awareness of the Self. This awareness is not a distant goal to be achieved but is ever-present, simply waiting to be recognized beneath the layers of thought and identification.
The Benefits of Engaging in Self-Inquiry:
For those new to this practice, the benefits of self-inquiry may not be immediately obvious. It’s easy to get caught up in the mind’s need for answers and certainty. However, the more we engage with this inquiry, the more we begin to experience a profound shift in how we relate to ourselves and the world around us. The practice of self-inquiry gradually dissolves the boundaries between the self and the other, leading to a direct experience of oneness, or non-duality.
This realization brings about a sense of inner peace and freedom that is not dependent on external circumstances. By understanding that we are not the fluctuating thoughts, emotions, or experiences of the body, we become less attached to the ups and downs of life. Self-inquiry allows us to rest in the awareness that remains unchanged and undisturbed, no matter what arises in the mind or in the world.
Furthermore, as we deepen our practice, we begin to see that the same awareness that we discover within ourselves is present in all beings. This insight fosters compassion, kindness, and a sense of connection with others, as we realize that, at the deepest level, we are all expressions of the same underlying reality.
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Here are some related posts for diving deeper into this topic:
For those beginning their journey, you might find it helpful to explore how our sensory perceptions are limited, as described in the post “Seeing Beyond Our Senses: Expanding Perception in the Practice of Self-Inquiry and Advaita Vedanta”. Explore the limits of human perception and discover how self-inquiry and Advaita Vedanta can help you see beyond the physical senses to realize the true nature of the self. This blog post delves into the teachings of Pravrajika Divyanandaprana, emphasizing the importance of expanding consciousness beyond the sensory world in the pursuit of self-realization and non-dual awareness.
In the teachings of Ramana Maharshi, self-inquiry is seen as the most direct path to uncovering our true Self. His work, “An Introduction to Ramana Maharshi’s Forty Verses on Reality” outlines how we can dissolve the ego through the persistent practice of asking “Who am I?” and tracing the source of the ‘I’ thought. Discover the essence of self-inquiry (Atma Vichara) and non-duality as elucidated by one of the greatest spiritual masters of the 20th century. This introduction provides an overview of the key themes, including the illusion of the ego, the nature of the true Self, and the path to self-realization. Whether you’re a seeker of Advaita Vedanta or interested in spiritual awakening, this guide offers valuable insights into the timeless wisdom of Ramana Maharshi.
For a more practical understanding of self-inquiry, you may want to read “Penetrating the Five Sheaths: A Path to Self-Inquiry and Realization” which explains the layers of identity that must be transcended to reach the core of the Self. This post guides you through the koshas—the sheaths that veil our true essence. Explore the transformative practice of self-inquiry in Advaita Vedanta through the penetrating process of the five sheaths (koshas). Discover how questioning “Who am I?” or “What am I?” can help transcend physical, mental, and emotional identities to uncover the true Self, or Atman. Learn practical applications, integration with meditation, and the profound journey towards self-realization and pure awareness. Join our community in understanding the deeper layers of existence and achieving spiritual growth.
Similarly, in “Introduction to Raja Yoga: The Path of Meditation and Mental Discipline” we explore how mental discipline can complement self-inquiry by calming the mind and preparing it for deeper introspection. Meditation helps us quiet the mind so we can observe the fluctuations and see the truth beyond. Explore Raja Yoga, the “Royal Path” of meditation and mental discipline, in this introductory post. Learn how the eightfold path (Ashtanga) of Raja Yoga, as outlined in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, guides practitioners toward self-realization and spiritual enlightenment. Discover the key principles of mental clarity, emotional stability, and inner peace, and how Raja Yoga integrates aspects of other yoga paths to lead to ultimate spiritual awakening. This post offers insights rooted in the teachings of Advaita Vedanta and spiritual leaders like Ramakrishna, Swami Sivananda, and Swami Vivekananda, making it ideal for those seeking a comprehensive understanding of meditation and the deeper aspects of yoga.
In “Self-Inquiry and Meditation: A Pathway to Inner Awareness” you’ll find insights on how combining meditation with self-inquiry sharpens our awareness and leads to the realization of our true Self. Discover the transformative power of self-inquiry and meditation in this comprehensive guide based on Pravrajika Divyanandaprana’s teachings. Learn how the ancient practice of asking “Who am I?” or “What am I?” can dissolve the ego, increase awareness, and lead to profound inner peace. This blog post delves into the integration of self-inquiry with meditation, offering practical steps for spiritual awakening and personal growth. Ideal for those exploring Advaita Vedanta, mindfulness, and non-dual awareness, this guide provides a pathway to uncover your true self.
If you are ready to deepen your practice even further, you may enjoy “Deepening the Practice of Self-Inquiry” which explores how the question “Who am I?” can be applied to everything we experience. It encourages us to witness all thoughts and sensations from a place of stillness and curiosity. Explore the profound practice of Self-Inquiry (Atma Vichara) to deepen your understanding of non-duality and the nature of the ‘I-thought.’ This comprehensive guide provides key insights, practical steps, and reflection points to help you recognize all experiences as expressions of Brahman or pristine mind. Learn how to cultivate a unified awareness, dissolve the separation between the observer and the observed, and rest in the underlying awareness that remains constant amidst mental fluctuations. Whether you’re new to self-inquiry or seeking to deepen your practice, this post offers valuable guidance for your journey towards self-realization and inner peace.
In life’s many transitions, it can be helpful to recognize the steady witness within us. In “Witnessing the Journey: Strengthening the Seer in Life’s Transitions” we reflect on how this witnessing presence remains unchanged even as external circumstances shift. In this reflective blog post, explore the deepening of witness consciousness, non-duality, and spiritual growth through life’s transitions. Drawing on insights from Buddhist teachings, Advaita Vedanta, and Jewish mysticism, we discuss how to strengthen the seer within by balancing trust, detachment, and awareness. Whether you’re navigating challenges like moving, illness, or emotional fluctuations, this post offers practical guidance for cultivating inner peace, mindfulness, and the presence of awareness. Learn how the journey from the mind to the heart opens the door to the divine and leaves behind wisdom for others on the path. A profound exploration of karma yoga, meditative mind, and the union of Atman and Brahman.
For an exploration of the universal values that connect spiritual traditions across cultures, “Caravan of Love: The Universal Path of Righteousness Across All Traditions” delves into the shared principles of righteousness and compassion, uniting people from all walks of life. This post explores the universal values shared across major world religions, highlighting how concepts like Sadhu Dharma, Tzaddikim, and being a Mensch align with the teachings of Jesus and the principles of Islam and Buddhism. It invites readers to reflect on the shared human quest for a life of righteousness, compassion, and inner peace, offering a path to greater interfaith harmony.
The post “Embracing the Eternal Now: Cultivating Spiritual Presence in Daily Life” offers insights into how we can cultivate mindfulness and equanimity, bringing the practice of presence into every moment of life. Discover the transformative power of living in the present moment with Embracing the Eternal Now: Cultivating Spiritual Presence in Daily Life. This blog post explores how mindfulness, equanimity, and spiritual connection can bring profound peace and clarity to your everyday life. Through practices rooted in Christian and Jewish traditions, learn how to listen to the ‘still small voice’ within, connect with the Holy Spirit, and respond to life’s challenges with balance and calm. Dive deep into the wisdom of ‘Hineni’ and uncover the sacred space where true spiritual awakening begins.
Rest now, breath by breath, Let each moment cradle you— And nourish your soul.
As we recover from the aftermath of Hurricane Helene here in Florida, many of us are left not only dealing with physical damage and power outages but also with the internal toll such intense stress can take. For those of us living with chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), the impact can be particularly difficult, as our systems are already strained and now must cope with the post-storm chaos. This is a time when all of our skills for stress management, pacing, and self-care become essential—what Chögyam Trungpa might call “on-the-spot” practice.
Understanding ME/CFS and Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM)
Living with post-viral myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME/CFS) means managing a complex condition that affects multiple body systems, including energy production, the nervous system, and immune responses. One of the hallmark symptoms is post-exertional malaise (PEM), which refers to the worsening of symptoms after even small amounts of physical, emotional, or mental exertion. This could manifest as extreme fatigue, brain fog, muscle pain, increased sensitivity to noise and light, and a host of other symptoms that flare up after the body has been pushed past its limits.
After a high-stress event like a hurricane, PEM can be easily triggered, making the recovery process even more difficult. The combination of exhaustion, nausea, sensory overload, and emotional stress all contribute to a heightened flare-up.
On-the-Spot Strategies for Coping with Stress and PEM During Recovery
Here are some pacing and stress management strategies that can be helpful as you recover from the storm:
Cultivate the Witness
Instead of trying to fix or fight the sensations in your body—like tinnitus, sensitivity, nausea, shakiness, or nervous system overwhelm—focus on observing them. This approach allows you to witness the intensity of your experience without adding the extra layer of resistance. Take a few deep breaths and simply notice the physical sensations, the loudness of the tinnitus, the shakiness in your limbs, the agitation in your mind, as if you’re watching a storm pass through.
This is also an opportunity to remind ourselves of the Buddhist teaching of the second arrow. The first arrow is the physical or emotional pain we experience in a situation like this—our symptoms, the stress, and discomfort. The second arrow is the suffering we add on by resisting, judging, or wishing things were different. By simply observing the experience and letting go of the need to fix it, we avoid the second arrow of mental anguish. In this moment, it’s enough to just be with what is, without adding layers of judgment or frustration.
Mindful Pacing
Pacing is key to managing ME/CFS, especially during stressful recovery periods. Even though you may feel the need to push yourself—to clean up, reconnect with loved ones, or restore normalcy—it’s essential to honor your limits. Break tasks into the smallest chunks possible, rest frequently, and give yourself permission to not complete everything in one go.
Physical pacing: Limit physical tasks to just a few minutes at a time, followed by equal or greater rest.
Mental pacing: Engaging with recovery efforts, media, or news updates in small doses can prevent mental exhaustion.
Emotional pacing: Allow yourself to step back from intense emotions when needed. Take breaks from conversations or situations that feel overwhelming.
Tinnitus and Sensory Overload
For many of us, stress exacerbates tinnitus, turning the ringing into an almost unbearable roar. One approach is to “lean into” the sound—not to fight it but to witness it, as mentioned earlier. Another option is to use low background sounds that are soothing to your system, such as nature sounds, white noise, or calming music, to soften the intensity of tinnitus. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate the sound but to cultivate a gentler relationship with it.
Grounding Practices
In times of heightened anxiety and post-storm disarray, grounding techniques can help calm the nervous system. Simple practices like feeling your feet on the floor, focusing on your breath, or using gentle touch (like placing a hand over your heart) can remind your body that you are safe in this moment, despite the external chaos.
Breathing exercise: Try the 4-7-8 breath. Inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and exhale slowly for a count of 8. This practice helps soothe the nervous system and bring a sense of calm.
Resting in Stillness
Though silence may feel elusive with tinnitus and nervous system overwhelm, there is a different kind of stillness available—the stillness of simply being aware. You don’t need to find literal quiet; instead, notice the quiet space that exists beneath all the sensations and noise. This is where your mind can rest, even when your body cannot.
Pacing Your Recovery
In the days following the hurricane, continue to pace yourself. Power outages, disrupted routines, and the emotional and physical toll of cleanup efforts can keep you in a heightened state of alert. Be mindful not to overdo it as you engage with recovery tasks, and remember that healing from PEM takes time. Even small tasks can be enough to push your body too far, so take frequent breaks and allow your body the space it needs to recover.
Post-Hurricane Care for ME/CFS
As we navigate the chaos left by Hurricane Helene, it’s vital to be gentle with ourselves and recognize the profound impact that stress can have on our health. Recovery is not just about cleaning up the physical aftermath but also giving our bodies the rest and care they need to heal from the exertion and stress.
Take things moment by moment, and know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether from neighbors, online support groups, or local resources, you don’t have to navigate this alone. The storm has passed, and now is the time to focus on restoration—both externally and internally.
By integrating these on-the-spot practices into your routine, even during the stress of post-hurricane recovery, you can help your body manage the intensity of post-exertional malaise, tinnitus, and the other challenges that come with ME/CFS during such times. Stay safe and prioritize your well-being above all.
Rest now, breath by breath, Let each moment cradle you— And nourish your soul.
For those of us living with post-viral myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME/CFS), the experience of life often feels like moving through a landscape filled with unseen obstacles. There is the fatigue—so heavy, so relentless—that it can feel like a weight we will never shake. There are the moments when even the simplest tasks become insurmountable, and the pain becomes a constant companion, whispering in the background of every day.
When I first encountered the teaching “Transforming Suffering and Happiness into Enlightenment” by Dodrupchen Jigme Tenpe Nyima, it felt like someone had gently opened a door I hadn’t known existed. At the time, I was entrenched in my own struggle—fighting the fatigue, resisting the pain, angry at the injustice of it all. I didn’t see it then, but my resistance, my frustration, and my desperate need for things to be different were only making me sicker. Each day felt like another battle against my body, and it was exhausting in every sense of the word.
The teaching introduced me to an entirely different way of relating to my experience. It was an invitation, not to fight against my suffering, but to sit with it, to gently turn toward it with a kind of curiosity. At first, the idea seemed absurd—how could I welcome something that was robbing me of so much? But as I read further, I began to understand that the more I resisted, the more I labeled my suffering as the enemy, the stronger it became. Everything around me had started to feel like an enemy—my body, the illness, even the world itself.
The first time I truly absorbed the idea that suffering, like anything else, grows stronger with the attention we give it, it was a revelation. I started to realize that I had been feeding my suffering through my resistance. In a way, I was making myself worse by constantly pushing against the reality of what I was experiencing. This was the first eye-opener: that my own mind was contributing to the intensity of my suffering.
I remember vividly when I decided to start putting this teaching into practice. I had signed up for a meditation class, feeling both hopeful and uncertain, and around that time, I also came across Tony Bernhardt’s book How to Be Sick. Little by little, I began to change how I approached the fatigue and pain. It didn’t happen overnight. In fact, it felt like planting seeds in the darkest soil—there were days when nothing seemed to grow, and I wondered if this new approach would ever bear fruit. But gradually, something did begin to shift.
The more I learned to observe my suffering without immediately pushing it away, the more space I created around it. It wasn’t that the fatigue disappeared—far from it—but my relationship to it began to change. Instead of seeing every wave of exhaustion as something to fight, I started to meet it with a kind of quiet acceptance. This didn’t mean I liked it, but I stopped resisting it quite so fiercely. In time, the constant anger and frustration began to soften.
As I practiced more, something else began to emerge—equanimity. I began to realize that the less I resisted both the suffering and the rare moments of joy, the steadier I felt inside. Over the years, my confidence in my ability to face difficulties has grown. There’s a quiet knowing now, a calmness that wasn’t there before, that when challenges arise, I can meet them without being completely swept away.
Of course, this is still a work in progress, and I expect it will be for the rest of my life. Some days are harder than others, but the difference is that I no longer see the hard days as failures. They are simply part of the ebb and flow. And in learning to embrace both the suffering and the moments of peace, I’ve discovered a kind of strength that doesn’t come from fighting but from surrendering—surrendering to the reality of my experience without letting it define me.
This teaching has shown me that suffering, far from being something to avoid, can become a profound teacher. When we allow ourselves to meet it with openness, we can begin to transform it. It doesn’t mean the pain or the fatigue will disappear, but our relationship to it changes. We become less fragile, more resilient. Over time, the suffering no longer feels like something that has complete power over us.
For those of us living with ME/CFS, this teaching offers a way to shift the narrative. Instead of seeing our illness as something that has taken everything from us, we can begin to see it as part of our path. By practicing mindfulness, by gently turning toward our suffering instead of away from it, we begin to cultivate a heart that is steady, a heart that can hold both the fatigue and the fleeting moments of ease without being shaken by either.
It’s a slow process, and it requires patience—patience with ourselves and with the process of healing. But there is a quiet beauty in this work. Each time we meet our suffering with compassion, we are planting a seed. And while the fruits may take time to blossom, they do eventually grow.
For those of you who are interested in exploring this teaching more deeply, I encourage you to take your time with it. Let it sit with you, and consider how it might apply to your own experience. And if you’d like to read the full teaching by Dodrupchen Jigme Tenpe Nyima, you can find it freely available online here.
This journey isn’t easy, but together we can learn to transform our suffering into something that doesn’t just weigh us down but also lifts us toward a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
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Biography of Dodrubchen Jigme Tenpai Nyima
Dodrubchen Jigme Tenpai Nyima, the Third Dodrubchen, was born in 1865 in the sacred Ma valley of Golok, Tibet, into a family deeply rooted in the spiritual lineage of his father, Dudjom Lingpa. From the very beginning, his life was marked by extraordinary recognition, with his teachers and mentors seeing in him the incarnation of profound wisdom. But his journey was not without struggle. As a young boy, he found study difficult, often frustrated to the point of tears. Yet, through perseverance and the support of his teachers, his understanding blossomed, revealing a deep capacity for spiritual insight.
What makes Dodrubchen Jigme Tenpai Nyima so relatable is his humanity. Even as a master of Tibetan Buddhist teachings, he encountered challenges that shaped him into the teacher he became—a man of great compassion, who dedicated his life to training countless students in both Nyingma and Sarma traditions. His accomplishments were vast: he rebuilt his monastery, composed celebrated commentaries, and gave teachings tirelessly. And though he eventually retreated into seclusion due to his failing health, he continued to guide his closest disciples with unwavering dedication. His life, both ordinary and extraordinary, stands as a testament to the power of persistence, humility, and the profound depth of spiritual commitment.
About Lotsawa House
Lotsawa House is a rich and invaluable resource for those seeking authentic Tibetan Buddhist teachings. The website offers an extensive collection of translations from Tibetan texts, including teachings from many great masters such as Dodrubchen Jigme Tenpai Nyima. This is where the teaching “Transforming Suffering and Happiness into Enlightenment” can be found, along with countless other treasures, all freely available for anyone to access.
Whether you are new to Tibetan Buddhism or have been practicing for years, Lotsawa House provides a space to explore the wisdom of these great teachings. The site is dedicated to making the profound texts of Tibetan Buddhism accessible to a global audience, offering translations in English and other languages, so that anyone, regardless of background, can benefit from these ancient spiritual insights. It’s a place where the wisdom of the Tibetan masters is preserved and shared, so that all who seek it may find the path to peace and understanding.
You can explore the full collection of teachings and discover more about the great teachers who brought them to life by visiting Lotsawa House.
Reminder: If reading this post becomes tiring, remembert to pause and rest. Pacing applies to all activities, even the ones we love, like reading and learning. Come back to this post later if you need to. Practicing pacing, even in small moments, is an essential part of living well with chronic fatigue syndrome.
Introduction
There’s a rhythm to living with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), one that demands a delicate balance of energy. Most of us who live with this condition become intimately familiar with pacing—learning how to manage our energy, smoothing out the hills and valleys of our strength. Through pacing, I’ve learned to minimize the crashes that come when I push myself too far. But even with this practice, there are moments when I consciously decide to overdo it.
Sometimes, there’s a powerful desire to break out of the limits that CFS imposes. It’s a rebellion, a brief escape. I know when I’m pushing too far, but I choose to embrace life fully for a day or two. I let myself feel that temporary energy, even though I know I’ll crash later. It’s a conscious decision to say, “I’m going to enjoy this moment, and I’m willing to pay the price.”
For anyone with CFS, this might sound familiar. We know pacing is vital to managing our condition, but there are times when the joy of overdoing it feels worth the consequences. And yet, when the crash comes—and it always does—the body demands recovery. This is where the real work begins, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.
The Second Arrow: Witnessing the Mind’s Reactions
When I crash, the body does what it needs to do to heal, and I’m forced to stop. But I’ve learned over time that what really intensifies suffering isn’t just the crash itself—it’s the mental and emotional turmoil that can follow. This is where the teachings of vrittis and pratyayas have been so transformative for me.
In simple terms, vrittis are the fluctuations of the mind—the rising and falling thoughts and emotions. Pratyayas are the seeds that drive these mental fluctuations, often based on past experiences, memories, or attachments. Together, these create the mental chatter that, when left unchecked, can deepen the suffering of any crash.
Buddhist teachings describe this extra layer of suffering as the “second arrow.” The first arrow is the unavoidable pain—whether physical, emotional, or otherwise. But the second arrow is the mental suffering we add on top of that pain: the self-criticism, the frustration, the inner dialogue that says, “Why did I overdo it? I knew better.” This second arrow is where much of the suffering lies.
But by the yogic practice of witnessing the vrittis and pratyayas, I’ve learned to avoid that second arrow. I observe the mental fluctuations as they come and go, without attaching to them, without allowing them to define my experience. I become the seer—the witness—and in doing so, I find that even during a crash, there is peace to be found.
Pacing and the Conscious Decision to Overdo It
Pacing remains the cornerstone of managing chronic fatigue syndrome. It’s about knowing your limits and respecting them, smoothing out the ups and downs of energy. But what happens when pacing fails? What happens when you make the conscious decision to overdo it, knowing full well that you’ll pay for it later?
For me, the key has been integrating this practice of witnessing into every stage of the process. I allow myself to live fully in those moments of overindulgence, embracing the joy of activity and connection, knowing that a crash will follow. But when the crash comes, I don’t add layers of mental suffering by blaming myself. Instead, I use the crash as an opportunity to practice witnessing—the vrittis and pratyayas are just thoughts and mental patterns, not realities. By observing them, I stay free of the second arrow.
This approach allows me to live with chronic fatigue syndrome in a way that feels less restrictive. Yes, I pace myself. Yes, I’m mindful of my energy. But even when I choose to push past those limits, I know that I can find peace in the aftermath through this practice.
The Impulse to Finish, the Practice of Letting Go
As I write this post, I feel the strong desire to finish it, to post it immediately so that it can be available to those who may benefit from it. It’s an impulse I recognize well—a pratyaya, a desire that drives me to push beyond my limits, even when I know it’s not in my best interest.
But just as I practice witnessing during a crash, I also practice witnessing this impulse. I see it for what it is—just a thought, just Mara, just another fluctuation of the mind. I don’t have to follow it. I don’t have to act on it. Instead, I can pause, rest, and come back to this post when my body is ready.
In the same way, I encourage you, as a reader, to pace yourself. This post is long, and if you find yourself feeling tired, take a break. Reading is an activity that requires energy, and pacing applies here, too. Come back to it later if you need to. Take care of your energy, just as I am doing with mine.
A Soft Rebellion, a Path to Growth
There is something liberating about the moments when we choose to overdo it, to embrace life fully despite knowing we’ll crash later. It’s a soft rebellion, a decision to live in the moment, even when we know the consequences. But with the right mindset, even those crashes can become opportunities for growth and practice.
The teachings of witnessing the vrittis and pratyayas have shown me that even the difficult moments—the crashes, relapses, pain, dysfunction, and discomfort of those moments, days, or weeks of low energy—are fertile ground for inner growth. By avoiding the second arrow, and simply observing my mind without attaching to the fluctuations, I can find peace even in the midst of discomfort.
For anyone living with chronic fatigue syndrome, I hope this reflection offers some comfort and guidance. There is no perfect way to navigate this condition, but there are practices that can help us find peace, even in the most challenging times. Whether it’s through pacing, or through the practice of witnessing, or simply by being gentle with ourselves, especially in moments of overdoing it, we can find a way to live with greater ease and acceptance.
Take your time, pace yourself, and remember that every crash, every moment of overdoing it, is a new opportunity to practice and grow. We are all on this path together, and in that, there is a kind of peace.
Facing the Storm: An Urgent Reminder to Pace and Witness
As I write this, there is a real storm brewing, both within and without. The image below is a weather map of the hurricane that may soon hit my area, forcing me to evacuate. As someone living in an RV, evacuation is usually mandatory in situations like this, and so I find myself facing the possibility of having to leave my bed in the middle of a crash caused by overdoing it.
The threat is very real, and so the importance of pacing is now at a level that I can’t ignore. I must prioritize rest and recovery immediately, because no matter what state I’m in, I’ll have to get out of bed and go to the hurricane shelter at the church next door if an evacuation order comes.
This situation has made it even clearer to me how crucial the practice of witnessing vrittis and pratyayas is. Without that practice, I would be overwhelmed by anxiety and fear right now. The mind wants to run wild with worst-case scenarios and worries, but I have been training myself to simply witness these thoughts as they arise. They are just thoughts—just mental fluctuations. They do not have to define my experience. I can stay present, calm, and clear, ready to deal with whatever comes.
So, after I finish writing this post, I’m going into massive rest and be prepared mode. The practice of pacing has never been more critical. This is an extreme red-flag situation, and I hope it serves as a reminder to all of us with chronic fatigue syndrome: sometimes, the urgency of rest is not just about avoiding a crash; it’s about survival.
Take a look at the image below—it’s a reminder to me, and hopefully to you as well, that life can throw storms at us both literally and metaphorically. But with the right practices, we can remain centered and grounded, ready to face what comes with a steady mind and a rested body.
As we face the storms within and around us, may we find peace in the stillness of our hearts. May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May all beings experience happiness and the causes of happiness. May we all find safety, strength, and well-being on our journeys, no matter how turbulent the path. May we be guided by wisdom, anchored in compassion, and find harmony in the unfolding of each moment. And in these times of uncertainty, may we remember our interconnectedness, and may we all be held in grace and peace.
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