Living with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) and chronic pain for over 30 years has been an immense challenge. There were times when the physical suffering seemed so overwhelming that it consumed my every thought. But as I journeyed deeper into spiritual practices and reflected on the nature of suffering itself, I came to a life-changing realization: much of my suffering wasn’t from the actual pain, but from my mind’s reaction to it. This distinction has become a cornerstone of my approach to living with chronic illness, and I’d like to share it with you, in hopes it may offer some clarity and comfort on your own journey.
Understanding Suffering:
Suffering is a universal part of the human experience, but what I’ve learned over time is that suffering doesn’t always arise directly from the pain itself. More often, it arises from the mind’s interpretation of the pain—the stories, fears, and resistance we build around it. This insight is well illustrated in the Buddhist teaching of The Second Arrow. The story goes that while we may be struck by the first arrow—representing the unavoidable pain that comes with being human—it is the second arrow, our mental and emotional response to that pain, that causes much of our suffering. We have no control over the first arrow, but we do have some control over the second one. When I began to understand this, I could see how my mind was amplifying my suffering by dwelling on it, resisting it, or fearing its persistence.
Recognizing this dynamic has helped me approach pain not as an enemy to be fought, but as an experience to be acknowledged without judgment. This doesn’t mean the pain vanishes, but it transforms how I relate to it, making room for moments of peace amidst the discomfort.
Finding Realization:
A deep shift in my experience of suffering came when I began exploring spiritual teachings that pointed to the true nature of the self. Teachers like Papaji and Mooji guided me toward moments of realization where I glimpsed the unchanging awareness that lies beneath all mental and physical experiences. In those moments, I recognized that the pain in my body and the thoughts in my mind were passing phenomena, while something vast and peaceful within me remained untouched. This was the beginning of a profound realization: I am not the pain, I am the awareness in which the pain arises.
However, sustaining this realization in daily life requires practice. It’s not about escaping pain or denying its presence, but about recognizing the part of us that remains constant and unscathed by the fluctuations of the mind and body. In this way, realization becomes a refuge, a space of stillness even as the storms of physical suffering continue.
A New Relationship with Pain:
Through mindfulness and meditation, I’ve learned to sit with the physical sensations in my body without immediately labeling them as good or bad. When I practice mindfulness, I bring a compassionate awareness to whatever arises, whether it’s pain, frustration, or fear. Instead of trying to push these feelings away, I let them be. This simple act of allowing has been one of the most powerful tools in transforming my relationship with suffering. By observing the sensations without judgment, I create space between myself and the pain, a space where peace can emerge.
Meditation has also been a sanctuary for me. By focusing on the breath or repeating a mantra, like the Medicine Buddha mantra, I find that I can calm the turbulent waves of the mind, even if the body is still in pain. This doesn’t take the pain away, but it brings a sense of inner calm that helps me cope more gracefully.
Another practice that has been transformative is self-inquiry, specifically investigating the “I” that claims ownership of the suffering. When I look closely at thoughts like “I am in pain,” I ask myself, “Who is this ‘I’ that is experiencing this?” This simple question often reveals that the sense of “I” is just another thought, another mental event.
I realize that I am not the thought or the pain. I am the awareness observing it all. This recognition doesn’t remove the physical sensations, but it softens their hold on me. It’s like taking a step back from the drama unfolding in the mind and body, and instead of being caught up in it, I become the quiet witness of it all. This shift in perspective helps dissolve the perceived separation between the observer and the observed, and in that union, peace is found.
Living with Compassion and Reflection:
As I continue to navigate life with chronic illness, I’ve come to see suffering as both a challenge and a teacher. Each moment of pain has the potential to teach us about resilience, about compassion, and about the nature of existence itself. Reflecting on my own journey, I often ask myself: what is this pain trying to show me? How can I meet it with acceptance instead of resistance? How can I extend the compassion I so often offer others to myself?
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the value of self-compassion. Chronic suffering can easily lead to frustration, self-criticism, or even feelings of failure. But I’ve come to realize that the first step toward healing is always kindness—to acknowledge my struggles without judgment and to treat myself with the same care and compassion I would offer to a loved one in pain. This practice of self-compassion doesn’t just ease the burden of suffering; it opens the heart to a deeper understanding of the shared nature of human experience.
Conclusion:
Living with chronic fatigue syndrome and chronic pain is undeniably difficult, but by transforming the way we relate to suffering, we can find moments of peace even in the midst of it. It’s not about eradicating pain or escaping it, but about changing the lens through which we view it. When we understand that much of our suffering is created in the mind—the second arrow—we can begin to soften our response to it. Through consistent mindfulness, meditation, self-inquiry, and self-compassion, it is possible to cultivate a deeper sense of peace and acceptance.
This journey is ongoing, and there is no finish line. But each moment of awareness, each breath of compassion, brings us closer to a more peaceful relationship with our pain. I invite you to reflect on your own experiences of suffering and how these practices might support you. Please feel free to share your thoughts and reflections in the comments below. Together, we can create a community of support, compassion, and healing.
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