I’ve lived with this illness for over 30 years, and for most of that time I was ashamed of it.
Doctors kept telling me it was all in my head.
They said I was depressed, anxious, or that I just didn’t want to work hard enough. They usually prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, claiming these drugs would fix me. While the medication may have helped my emotional state somewhat, it did nothing to fix the physical symptoms.
Thankfully, I eventually stopped letting them gaslight me into taking more and different medications.
Every time I tried to explain how my body would completely crash after doing normal things, I was met with skepticism or pity.
So I started doubting myself.
I felt weak. I felt crazy. I carried a lot of shame for something I couldn’t control.
The fatigue and exhaustion that comes with this illness is crushing.
It’s not normal tiredness. It’s a deep, heavy exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix. Even the smallest activities can leave me completely wiped out for days.
My sleep tracker consistently shows that I get adequate deep sleep and REM sleep, yet I still wake up exhausted. That helped me understand something important:
The problem isn’t simply how much I sleep.
It’s that my dysautonomia prevents the sleep from being restorative.
In the early years, the emotional side of it felt a lot like PMS — that same sudden emotional dysregulation, irritability, and feeling completely off — except instead of happening once a month, it could hit at any time.
Only recently have I finally understood what’s really happening.
What I have is dysautonomia.
My autonomic nervous system doesn’t regulate properly anymore.
That’s why I can suddenly feel freezing cold in a warm room. That’s why I’m much more comfortable lying down than sitting or standing. And that’s why even mild activity can make my whole system short-circuit — suddenly bringing on intense brain fog, overwhelming exhaustion, headaches, insomnia, anxiety, and sometimes depression all at once.
ME/CFS always felt like an incomplete label to me.
Yes, I crash after exertion. Yes, sleep doesn’t fix it. Yes, my body has never functioned the way people expect it to.
But understanding it as dysautonomia finally explains the day-to-day reality of living in a body whose nervous system breaks down so easily.
The only thing that actually helps is pacing — staying within my energy envelope.
I try to live as close to the edge as I can, but carefully. Migraines and tinnitus have become warning signs for me. If I respect those early signals, I can often avoid triggering insomnia, which is far worse than a regular crash and completely throws me off balance.
After 30 years, I’ve finally stopped blaming myself.
That alone has been healing.
I’m sharing this journal entry in case it gives someone else a little more language for their own experience.
And for family members, friends, and doctors: please know that when we keep turning down invitations, or seem withdrawn, or disappear for long stretches of time, it’s not because we don’t want to be around you.
Our energy is extremely limited.
We have to be very careful to avoid crashes.
Even now, I keep a little journal between doctor visits so I can clearly communicate what I’ve been experiencing. If you’re struggling to explain this illness during appointments, writing things down and bringing it with you can be incredibly helpful.
Sometimes understanding does not cure the body.
But it can begin to release the shame.
And after so many years of being misunderstood, that matters.
The ringing remains, yet the mind’s tight grasp dissolves — only sky holds all.
For many, tinnitus feels like a constant companion — a high-pitched ring, a persistent hum, a sound that refuses to vanish. It can shadow every quiet moment, every attempt at rest, every space of stillness. We search for a cure, for silence, for relief. And yet, sometimes the greatest liberation does not come from changing the sound, but from changing the relationship to it.
I have walked this path. The ringing did not leave. What changed was me.
At first, tinnitus feels like an enemy. We grasp at it, resist it, curse it. We add suffering to suffering: “Why me? Why won’t this stop? How can I bear it?” The sound itself may be mild or sharp, occasional or persistent, but the mind’s reaction amplifies it, creating a firestorm of agitation.
Then comes a subtle discovery: the fire is fueled by attention and resistance. The ringing itself is not the problem — the problem is our insistence on struggling with it.
If we pause, soften our attention, and allow awareness to expand around the sound, something shifts. We realize:
The tinnitus may continue.
The mind may notice it, even name it.
But the grasping, the mental fight, the suffering about the suffering — that can dissolve.
It is like a leaf floating on a stream. The water moves; the leaf moves; yet no one is trapped. The leaf does not resist the current. The leaf does not need the current to stop in order to be free.
Through this practice, tinnitus becomes a teacher. It is a doorway to awareness, a mirror reflecting our habit of clinging. By letting go of the self that struggles, we enter a spaciousness where the sound exists, but the suffering does not.
This is not denial. This is not wishful thinking. It is simple noticing:
The ringing arises dependent upon body, mind, and attention.
The mind can soften.
Awareness itself remains unshaken, vast and unbounded, like sky in which clouds drift freely.
To rest here, all that is required is attention that softens rather than grips:
Breathe and notice the sound. Don’t push it away; simply allow it to be.
Relax the “I” that judges or resists. Let the self that struggles dissolve into spaciousness.
Rest in the field of awareness. The ringing is present, but it is no longer a problem.
In this way, liberation does not depend on the sound ending. It depends on the mind letting go. The sound may continue, but the fire of suffering has gone out.
For anyone who lives with tinnitus, this is a path open to you. The ringing may remain, but your suffering need not. The self that once insisted on fighting can rest. The heart can soften. The mind can breathe. The sky remains.
And in that sky, even tinnitus becomes part of the vast, untroubled whole.
A Haiku for Reflection
The ringing remains, yet the mind’s tight grasp dissolves — only sky holds all.
Or a Meditative Verse
Tinnitus hums on, unchanged, persistent, steady. I let go of “I.” The struggle falls away, and only vastness remains.
The key here is compassion for your nervous system. Your brain is trying to protect you; it just needs reassurance that these vibrations are safe, ignorable, and not urgent. Over time, the mind can learn to treat tinnitus the way it treats the hum of a refrigerator: present, but mostly unnoticed.
It’s not about conquering, changing, or escaping the vibrations—it’s about sitting gently with them, recognizing them as part of the living moment, and letting your mind rest in spacious awareness.
All that arises is fleeting, all that appears has no fixed self. The hum, the thought, the breath— they come, they linger, they fade. I rest in the space between, spacious, still, free. No need to hold, no need to push— only presence, only now.
Rest now, breath by breath, Let each moment cradle you— And nourish your soul.
As we recover from the aftermath of Hurricane Helene here in Florida, many of us are left not only dealing with physical damage and power outages but also with the internal toll such intense stress can take. For those of us living with chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), the impact can be particularly difficult, as our systems are already strained and now must cope with the post-storm chaos. This is a time when all of our skills for stress management, pacing, and self-care become essential—what Chögyam Trungpa might call “on-the-spot” practice.
Understanding ME/CFS and Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM)
Living with post-viral myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME/CFS) means managing a complex condition that affects multiple body systems, including energy production, the nervous system, and immune responses. One of the hallmark symptoms is post-exertional malaise (PEM), which refers to the worsening of symptoms after even small amounts of physical, emotional, or mental exertion. This could manifest as extreme fatigue, brain fog, muscle pain, increased sensitivity to noise and light, and a host of other symptoms that flare up after the body has been pushed past its limits.
After a high-stress event like a hurricane, PEM can be easily triggered, making the recovery process even more difficult. The combination of exhaustion, nausea, sensory overload, and emotional stress all contribute to a heightened flare-up.
On-the-Spot Strategies for Coping with Stress and PEM During Recovery
Here are some pacing and stress management strategies that can be helpful as you recover from the storm:
Cultivate the Witness
Instead of trying to fix or fight the sensations in your body—like tinnitus, sensitivity, nausea, shakiness, or nervous system overwhelm—focus on observing them. This approach allows you to witness the intensity of your experience without adding the extra layer of resistance. Take a few deep breaths and simply notice the physical sensations, the loudness of the tinnitus, the shakiness in your limbs, the agitation in your mind, as if you’re watching a storm pass through.
This is also an opportunity to remind ourselves of the Buddhist teaching of the second arrow. The first arrow is the physical or emotional pain we experience in a situation like this—our symptoms, the stress, and discomfort. The second arrow is the suffering we add on by resisting, judging, or wishing things were different. By simply observing the experience and letting go of the need to fix it, we avoid the second arrow of mental anguish. In this moment, it’s enough to just be with what is, without adding layers of judgment or frustration.
Mindful Pacing
Pacing is key to managing ME/CFS, especially during stressful recovery periods. Even though you may feel the need to push yourself—to clean up, reconnect with loved ones, or restore normalcy—it’s essential to honor your limits. Break tasks into the smallest chunks possible, rest frequently, and give yourself permission to not complete everything in one go.
Physical pacing: Limit physical tasks to just a few minutes at a time, followed by equal or greater rest.
Mental pacing: Engaging with recovery efforts, media, or news updates in small doses can prevent mental exhaustion.
Emotional pacing: Allow yourself to step back from intense emotions when needed. Take breaks from conversations or situations that feel overwhelming.
Tinnitus and Sensory Overload
For many of us, stress exacerbates tinnitus, turning the ringing into an almost unbearable roar. One approach is to “lean into” the sound—not to fight it but to witness it, as mentioned earlier. Another option is to use low background sounds that are soothing to your system, such as nature sounds, white noise, or calming music, to soften the intensity of tinnitus. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate the sound but to cultivate a gentler relationship with it.
Grounding Practices
In times of heightened anxiety and post-storm disarray, grounding techniques can help calm the nervous system. Simple practices like feeling your feet on the floor, focusing on your breath, or using gentle touch (like placing a hand over your heart) can remind your body that you are safe in this moment, despite the external chaos.
Breathing exercise: Try the 4-7-8 breath. Inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and exhale slowly for a count of 8. This practice helps soothe the nervous system and bring a sense of calm.
Resting in Stillness
Though silence may feel elusive with tinnitus and nervous system overwhelm, there is a different kind of stillness available—the stillness of simply being aware. You don’t need to find literal quiet; instead, notice the quiet space that exists beneath all the sensations and noise. This is where your mind can rest, even when your body cannot.
Pacing Your Recovery
In the days following the hurricane, continue to pace yourself. Power outages, disrupted routines, and the emotional and physical toll of cleanup efforts can keep you in a heightened state of alert. Be mindful not to overdo it as you engage with recovery tasks, and remember that healing from PEM takes time. Even small tasks can be enough to push your body too far, so take frequent breaks and allow your body the space it needs to recover.
Post-Hurricane Care for ME/CFS
As we navigate the chaos left by Hurricane Helene, it’s vital to be gentle with ourselves and recognize the profound impact that stress can have on our health. Recovery is not just about cleaning up the physical aftermath but also giving our bodies the rest and care they need to heal from the exertion and stress.
Take things moment by moment, and know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether from neighbors, online support groups, or local resources, you don’t have to navigate this alone. The storm has passed, and now is the time to focus on restoration—both externally and internally.
By integrating these on-the-spot practices into your routine, even during the stress of post-hurricane recovery, you can help your body manage the intensity of post-exertional malaise, tinnitus, and the other challenges that come with ME/CFS during such times. Stay safe and prioritize your well-being above all.
Rest now, breath by breath, Let each moment cradle you— And nourish your soul.
Essential Pacing Strategies for Managing ME/CFS Symptoms and Enhancing Quality of Life
Introduction
Living with ME/CFS presents unique challenges that demand careful attention to our body’s signals. In this blog post, I delve into my personal journey with ME/CFS, highlighting the crucial warning signs—increased tinnitus, more frequent and intense headaches, and bouts of insomnia—that alert me when I’m pushing beyond my limits. By sharing these experiences, I aim to illuminate how such signals can guide us in effectively managing our daily activities.
Additionally, I will explore practical pacing strategies that have been instrumental in helping me maintain balance and prevent burnout. Pacing is not merely a management tactic; it’s a vital skill for anyone with ME/CFS looking to enhance their quality of life while navigating the complexities of this condition. Whether you are newly diagnosed or seeking to refine your approach to symptom management, this post aims to provide valuable insights into living more harmoniously with ME/CFS.
Please note that this is a comprehensive post, and while it’s filled with valuable information, it’s also an excellent opportunity to practice pacing. To avoid overwhelming your cognitive abilities or triggering PEM, consider reading one section at a time and then taking a break after each section. This approach not only prevents cognitive overload but also exemplifies the very concept of pacing we discuss here.
What is Pacing and Why is it Important?
Pacing is a self-management strategy that involves balancing activity and rest to avoid triggering or worsening symptoms of ME/CFS. It’s about learning to recognize your body’s warning signs, such as increased fatigue, pain, or cognitive difficulties, and responding appropriately by slowing down or taking breaks. For those of us with ME/CFS, pacing is an essential skill because it helps us manage our limited energy reserves, prevent crashes, and maintain as much functionality as possible. Unlike pushing through exhaustion, pacing respects the body’s limits and allows for gradual recovery, making it a cornerstone of living well with chronic fatigue syndrome.
Recognizing and Responding to Your Body’s Signals
Learning to listen to your body’s signals is a critical skill for managing ME/CFS, as these cues are often the first indication that we need to adjust our activities to prevent worsening symptoms. Understanding these signals and how to respond to them can help you maintain a better balance and prevent relapses.
Identify Your Unique Signals
Everyone’s experience with ME/CFS is different, which means that the warning signs of overexertion can vary widely from person to person. Common signals might include increased fatigue, pain escalation, mental fog, or specific symptoms like tinnitus and headaches, as I experience.
Use Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in recognizing when you’re beginning to overdo it. Regular mindfulness practice, such as meditation or mindful breathing, enhances your awareness of the body’s subtle signs before they become pronounced. It allows you to take timely action, such as stepping back or resting, which can be crucial in managing your energy reserves.
Set Clear Boundaries
Once you recognize your warning signs, it’s crucial to set boundaries to prevent pushing beyond your limits. This might mean limiting the time you spend on certain activities, taking frequent breaks, or having strict rest periods throughout the day. Setting boundaries is not about restricting your life but about enabling more consistent activity levels without crashes.
Educate Your Support Network
Share your experiences and what you’ve learned about your warning signs with family, friends, and caregivers. Educating them about your specific needs and signals can help them support you better. They can also assist you in monitoring your activities and provide reminders to take breaks or slow down when needed.
Embrace Flexibility in Daily Plans
Living with ME/CFS requires adaptability. Some days you might feel capable of more, and other days less so. Listening to your body means being flexible with your plans, adjusting them according to your current state. It’s important to give yourself permission to rest without guilt when your body demands it.
By integrating these practices into your daily life, you can better manage ME/CFS and avoid the severe crashes that come from overexertion. Listening to and respecting your body’s signals isn’t just about avoiding pain or discomfort; it’s about cultivating a sustainable lifestyle that accommodates your health and enhances your well-being.
1. Detailed Guide to Pacing Techniques
Activity Management:
Pacing involves careful management of daily activities to prevent overexertion and to manage energy levels effectively. To implement pacing, start by identifying the times of day when your energy is at its peak. Divide tasks into smaller, manageable segments and alternate them with rest periods. For example, if you find mornings are when you have the most energy, schedule important tasks during this time and allow for breaks or less demanding activities as your energy wanes.
Energy Conservation Methods:
Conserving energy is key to effective pacing. Here are some techniques to help manage your energy more efficiently:
Task Simplification: Break down activities into simpler steps and focus on one small task at a time.
Use Tools and Aids: Utilize tools and aids to reduce physical effort, such as using a stool while cooking or an electric scooter for shopping.
Prioritize and Delegate: Prioritize activities based on their importance and delegate when possible. Focus on what must be done and what can be postponed or handled by others.
2. Understanding Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM)
Definition and Triggers:
Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM) is a hallmark symptom of ME/CFS, characterized by a worsening of symptoms following even minor physical or mental exertion. Triggers for PEM can vary widely among individuals but often include surpassing physical or cognitive energy limits.
Strategies to Avoid PEM:
To avoid PEM, it’s crucial to learn to recognize its early signs and adjust your activities to prevent overexertion. Here are some strategies:
Monitor and Measure Activity Levels: Use tools like activity trackers or keep a symptom diary to identify patterns that lead to PEM.
Establish Baselines: Determine the amount of an activity you can do without causing a flare-up, and do not exceed this limit. Gradually increase activity levels as tolerated.
Rest Before You Feel Tired: Resting before signs of fatigue can prevent an onset of PEM. Integrate regular rest periods into your schedule regardless of your current energy level.
Incorporating these pacing techniques and strategies to manage and avoid PEM can help individuals with ME/CFS maintain a more stable condition and improve overall quality of life.
Personal Experience:
Pacing Awareness: What are your body’s warning signals that your starting to overdo and need to slow down, rest and respect your boundaries?
I’m a bit out of practice but the three most reliable signals I get that I’m overdoing it and need to slow down are the tinnitus gets much louder, my headaches get more frequent and more intense and then if I’m still overdoing it, the insomnia kicks in.
All of these signals happened before my recent crash, but I hadn’t stressed myself to that point in a long time and so I forgot their importance.
I’m recovering now. The insomnia is gone, the headaches and tinnitus are still present but less intense. And now that I’m recovering from this Flare-up, I’m currently not overdoing activities anymore, lesson learned, and at least for now, its time to be very aware and careful and to rebuild my reserve of spoons.
I don’t completely regret overdoing it though. As uncomfortable and painful as it is, I was creatively involved producing material for blog posts and thus hopefully benefiting others.
But, I would like to get better at pacing when I’m not just laying in bed. When my capacity for activity has increased thats when I most need to remember and practice pacing.
Like with traffic lights, I have green, orange and red signals too. I’m currently in red heading to orange rather than further into red.
When fully in red, I have to stop everything and all sensory input.
When orange I need to listen to and respect the signals my body is giving me so that I can get back to green instead of back to red.
Green is as good as I get and I can do my laundry, clean my home, go for short walks, etc. I aspire to be green as much as I can. And it all mostly depends on pacing and recognizing and respecting my body’s signals.
What are your bodies warning signals that your starting to overdo and need to slow down, rest and respect your boundaries?
What are your body’s signals that you are green, yellow or red?
Conclusion
Mastering the art of pacing is an essential strategy for anyone living with ME/CFS. By understanding your body’s signals and learning how to respond to them appropriately, you can significantly improve your quality of life and manage the symptoms of this challenging condition more effectively. As we’ve explored in this post, pacing isn’t just about managing energy; it’s about nurturing a deep connection with your body, recognizing its signals, and respecting its limits.
Whether you’re identifying your red, orange, and green signals, implementing practical pacing techniques, or learning to prevent Post-Exertional Malaise, each step you take is a move toward better health and greater stability. Remember, pacing is a skill that improves with practice and patience. It requires continuous adjustment and attunement to your body’s needs.
I encourage you to share your experiences and tips on pacing in the comments below. What strategies have worked for you? How do you recognize and respond to your body’s warning signals? Let’s support each other in our journeys and build a community where everyone feels empowered to manage their ME/CFS with confidence and hope.
Let’s continue to support each other and grow stronger together.
Together, we can navigate the complexities of chronic illness with resilience and grace.
For more insights and updates, consider subscribing to this blog.
Thank you for reading, and may your path toward wellness be filled with many moments of peace and achievement.
Does your PEM have different levels to it based on how much you over-do it?
When I was still able to hold a part time job back around 2003, my boss needed me to come up with a way to communicate where I was in my cycle of PEM.
The system I came up with was based upon the traffic lights – red, yellow and green. When I was green, I was feeling my best and had the greatest capacity for activity but still within the limits of needing to be mindful and to be much less active than normal people- like a green traffic light it meant I was good to go as long as I obeyed the green level limitations of MECFS. Yellow meant warning, be prepared to stop if needed. This was a mild PEM. And I knew if I didn’t slow down and rest that I could end up at red. Red meant if I didn’t stop everything, including all sensory input and go to bed, that I would crash and end up in bed for, days, weeks or months.
So then, I could tell my boss, who had fibromyalgia and so was very accommodating, that I was orange heading for red, and she knew what that meant, and I could lighten my activity level correspondingly, thus avoiding a full on crash.
At other times I would be orange heading for green. This meant I was still needing to be careful, but that my carefulness was paying off and that I was heading in a good direction. I rarely got to green, but when I did, that was a good day. Green was essentially my best, but still very limited place.
I also began to identify and recognize the symptoms associated with each level. To make this long story shorter I’ll just mention the three main signals my body would give. First is an increase in the volume of the tinnitus. Second is an increase in quantity and intensity of headaches. Third is the arrival of insomnia.
With increased tinnitus I was heading for red, if I didn’t cut back on my activity level appropriately. With an increase in headaches, I was firmly in orange and still heading for a serious crash if I didn’t slow down and rest. By the time the insomnia started I was definitely red heading for a crash of epic proportions – completely bed ridden with earplugs and an eye mask with my only option for activity being calm abiding meditation in order to be as calm as I could be while waiting for my body to settle.
This system has helped me to navigate my activity and rest levels enabling me to have my best life possible with this horrible debilitating illness. Currently, I am mostly homebound and can only work for myself. But this traffic light system has remained relevant in helping me to navigate my day to day existence. Such as whether I can take a shower or not. Whether I can wash my dishes or not. And, when I need to stay in bed and do nothing, etc.
That’s enough about that for now. It has been, for me, a very helpful metaphoric practice enabling a more successful navigation of activities relative to symptoms.
Home Page: Inspirations of Love and Hope 