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Tag: emotional resilience

  • Navigating Love and Pain: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

    Navigating Love and Pain: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

    Finding Guidance and Resilience Amid Emotional Highs and Lows in Relationships Impacted by Borderline Personality Disorder

    Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can feel like riding a turbulent wave, where moments of connection are often followed by intense, painful conflicts. Many people find themselves caught in cycles of affection and hurt, especially when their loved one lashes out with hurtful words, name-calling, and, at times, accusations that may feel unwarranted or unfair. For those on the receiving end, the experience can be exhausting, confusing, and deeply wounding. But by understanding more about the nature of BPD and employing some helpful strategies, you can build resilience and take steps to protect your own well-being.

    Emotional Intensity and Dysregulation

    One of the most challenging aspects of BPD is the emotional intensity experienced by those living with the disorder. This intensity often leads to intense anger, hurtful words, and behaviors that might seem disproportionate to the situation. People with BPD experience emotions in extremes and, during emotional dysregulation, may lack the internal control to temper these reactions.

    This dysregulation isn’t intentional cruelty but rather an expression of overwhelming emotional pain. Understanding this can help you separate the person you love from the behavior that causes hurt. Although this doesn’t excuse abusive behavior, it can help to remind yourself that the outbursts stem from internal struggles rather than a desire to harm you personally.

    Cycles of Conflict and Reconciliation

    One of the most exhausting patterns in BPD relationships is the cycle of conflict followed by a sudden shift to normalcy, as though the conflict never happened. For someone with BPD, intense anger or accusations might quickly subside once their emotions settle, allowing them to return to a calmer, more affectionate state. For their partner, however, the emotional fallout lingers.

    Understanding this pattern can help you develop strategies to cope with the emotional whiplash it causes. For instance, creating space for yourself after a conflict can help you process your feelings without getting drawn into the cycle. Remember, it’s okay to take time to recover and seek support if needed. Recognize that this cycle isn’t a reflection of the validity of your experience but rather a common dynamic within relationships involving BPD.

    Self-Blame and Gaslighting Dynamics

    It’s natural to want to reason with your loved one during moments of conflict. However, attempts to introduce logic during a heated moment often don’t work with BPD, as their perception of the situation may be clouded by emotional intensity. This can lead to a gaslighting dynamic, where you’re told you’re the one at fault, or your feelings are dismissed.

    In these moments, it’s essential to ground yourself in your own reality. Journaling can be a valuable tool, helping you document your experiences and feelings to prevent self-doubt from creeping in. When they deny or distort events, having a written record can validate your experience and reinforce that your perspective is valid. Over time, this can empower you to stand firm without feeling the need to defend yourself during conflicts.

    Setting Boundaries and Practicing Self-Care

    Setting boundaries with a loved one with BPD is crucial for your emotional health. Boundaries aren’t about punishment but are a way to protect your well-being and the stability of the relationship. For example, calmly stating, “I’m here to listen, but I can’t engage when there’s yelling,” can help you create limits on interactions that feel hurtful or unproductive.

    Practicing self-care is equally essential. Supporting someone with BPD can drain your emotional reserves, so find ways to recharge. Whether it’s through hobbies, exercise, or spending time with friends, prioritizing your needs is vital. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it’s a necessary foundation for the resilience needed in these relationships.

    Embracing Compassion and Resilience

    While navigating these challenges, try to keep compassion in your heart—for yourself and your loved one. Understanding that their outbursts are often symptoms of a deeper struggle can help you respond from a place of empathy rather than defensiveness. At the same time, give yourself grace. Your feelings, boundaries, and needs are valid, and acknowledging this will help you build resilience.

    The journey of loving someone with BPD is undeniably challenging, but by seeking understanding and adopting strategies that support both you and your loved one, you can navigate the storm with greater strength, compassion, and self-awareness. Remember, you don’t have to face these challenges alone. Reaching out for support, whether through friends, therapy, or support groups, can help you find balance and connection along the way.

    When kindness feels like whispers in the night,

    Remember—through each step, you are the light.

    🙏🕊️🙏

  • Embracing Mindfulness on the Journey of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ME/CFS

    Embracing Mindfulness on the Journey of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ME/CFS

    For those of us living with post-viral Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), mindfulness can be an invaluable tool. When energy feels scarce and symptoms overwhelming, mindfulness offers a gentle, non-judgmental way to relate to our experience. It’s not about forcing ourselves to be positive or ignoring the very real challenges we face, but about creating space within our hearts and minds for what is happening right now. It’s about simply being present with our thoughts, emotions, and sensations without adding layers of frustration or resistance.

    I remember early in my practice when I first realized how much energy I was spending resisting my illness. I fought against it, mentally and emotionally, with every fiber of my being. That resistance, though understandable, made me sicker. But over time, through the teachings of mindfulness, I began to soften that resistance and learned to sit with my experience as it was—without the layers of anger or frustration. That shift changed everything.

    One of the most beautiful things mindfulness teaches us is how to cultivate self-compassion. It allows us to look at ourselves with kindness, to acknowledge that we are doing the best we can, given the circumstances. Chronic illness can often bring feelings of isolation, inadequacy, or even guilt. But through mindful awareness, we can learn to treat ourselves as we would a dear friend—with warmth, understanding, and patience.

    In my own journey, self-compassion became a practice of offering myself a soft place to land amid the storm of chronic fatigue. I learned that it was okay to have limits and that pacing was not a failure but an act of wisdom. Through mindfulness, I could honor the ebb and flow of my energy without judgment, allowing myself to rest when needed and cherish the moments of peace when they arose.

    The spiritual path of transforming suffering into enlightenment has been a guiding light for me over the years. Drawing from the teachings of Buddhist masters like Dodrupchen Jigme Tenpe Nyima, I’ve come to see how our relationship to suffering—and to happiness—shapes our inner world. For so long, my relationship to ME/CFS was fraught with resistance, and that resistance was its own kind of suffering. But through mindfulness, I’ve slowly learned to soften into my experience, to meet it with equanimity, and to allow each moment to become an opportunity for growth.

    Mindfulness is not a cure for chronic fatigue syndrome, but it offers a way to live with greater peace and resilience. It is a daily practice of acceptance, of meeting ourselves where we are, and of nurturing a sense of compassion for the journey we are on. Whether you are new to mindfulness or have been practicing for years, there is always room to deepen this practice, to cultivate a gentle presence that supports healing, both emotionally and spiritually.

    For me, the journey is ongoing, but each step I take is filled with the intention that this path is not just for my own peace and well-being but for everyone whose lives I touch. Together, as we cultivate more mindfulness and self-compassion, we build a bridge toward greater understanding, peace, and inner liberation.

    A Haiku on Self-Compassion

    In stillness, we rest,
    Soft whispers of kindness grow,
    Healing in our hearts.

    I hope these words bring solace, support, and a reminder that we are not alone on this journey. Together, we are cultivating a way of being that embraces both the challenges and the beauty of life, one mindful breath at a time.

    🙏🕊️🙏

  • The Six Types of Courage in the Journey with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

    The Six Types of Courage in the Journey with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

    For those of us living with post-viral chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), the path we walk is not a simple one. Each day brings its own set of challenges, often invisible to the outside world but deeply felt within. Yet, amid the fatigue, the uncertainty, and the pain, there are moments where we are called to draw on reserves of strength we didn’t even know we had. Courage, in its many forms, becomes a quiet companion on this journey.

    As I reflect on the Six Types of Courage, I am reminded that courage isn’t always the grand, heroic act we see in stories. Sometimes it is found in the smallest actions, the quietest moments, and the internal shifts of perspective that allow us to keep moving forward. Let me share how each of these types of courage has come to life in my experience, and perhaps in yours, as we navigate the complexities of chronic illness.

    Physical Courage

    Living with ME/CFS requires a deep well of physical courage. On the days when even getting out of bed feels like a monumental task, there is a certain bravery in simply continuing. To keep going, not by pushing beyond our limits, but by embracing our body’s need for rest, balance, and awareness, is its own form of resilience. The courage to honor what our body is telling us, to move slowly and deliberately through the fatigue, is often invisible to others—but it is no less powerful.

    I’ve learned, often the hard way, that physical courage isn’t about “fighting” the illness. Instead, it’s about recognizing that even the act of getting through a day, with gentle awareness of my body’s limits, is a courageous act of self-care.

    Social Courage

    One of the most difficult aspects of living with chronic illness is feeling misunderstood by those around us. Social courage asks us to be unapologetically ourselves, even when we feel like our world is shrinking. It takes bravery to share our reality with others, to say, “This is who I am right now,” even when we worry about judgment or pity.

    For me, social courage has meant being honest about my limitations, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s meant declining invitations or stepping back from commitments without feeling the need to apologize. In a world that often celebrates busyness and productivity, social courage allows us to stand firm in our truth, even when it doesn’t align with society’s expectations.

    Moral Courage

    Moral courage comes into play when we choose to do what’s right for our well-being, even when it’s not popular or easy. It might mean saying no to well-meaning advice that doesn’t resonate, or it might mean standing up for ourselves in medical settings, advocating for the care we know we deserve.

    In my own journey, I’ve had to practice moral courage by trusting my intuition, even when others disagreed. Whether it was turning down treatments that didn’t feel right for me, or advocating for pacing and rest in a world that pushes us to keep going, moral courage has been about honoring my inner knowing and standing up for my own health and well-being.

    Emotional Courage

    Emotional courage asks us to feel everything—without guilt or attachment. Living with chronic illness brings a rollercoaster of emotions, from frustration and sadness to moments of peace and even joy. It takes real bravery to allow ourselves to feel the depth of these emotions, without judgment.

    For those of us living with ME/CFS, there is often a fear of being consumed by the negative emotions that come with illness. But emotional courage teaches us that by allowing ourselves to fully experience these feelings, we create space for healing. It’s okay to feel angry, to feel sad, to grieve the life we once had. And it’s equally okay to feel moments of joy, to savor the small victories without fear of losing them. Emotional courage is the bridge between feeling and acceptance.

    Intellectual Courage

    There is a constant need to learn, unlearn, and relearn when living with chronic illness. Intellectual courage encourages us to stay open, to question what we think we know about our illness, and to be willing to adapt as new information comes to light.

    In my own life, this has meant learning to let go of certain beliefs—like the idea that I must always be productive to have value. It has meant embracing new ways of thinking about rest, about healing, and about what it means to live a meaningful life, even in the face of limitations. Intellectual courage reminds us that growth is always possible, even when we feel stuck.

    Spiritual Courage

    Spiritual courage is perhaps the most profound of all. It asks us to live with purpose and meaning, even when our outer world feels small. For me, spiritual courage has been about embracing the stillness that chronic illness brings, finding the deeper meaning in quiet moments, and trusting that this path, though difficult, has its own beauty.

    Living with ME/CFS has drawn me inward, toward a heart-centered approach to life. Spiritual courage has helped me see that even when my body is weak, my spirit can remain strong. It’s about connecting with something larger than myself, whether that’s through mindfulness, prayer, or simply finding peace in the present moment. It’s about living with purpose, even when the world outside feels far away.

    As I reflect on these six types of courage, I am reminded that each of them plays a role in the journey we are on. Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” For those of us living with chronic fatigue syndrome, courage is found not in grand gestures, but in the small, everyday acts of resilience, hope, and self-compassion.

    We are all courageous, in ways both seen and unseen. Let us honor that courage in ourselves and in each other, as we continue to walk this path with grace, gentleness, and the quiet strength that comes from within.

    🙏🕊️🙏

  • Book Review: The Pristine Mind: Embracing the Nature of Thoughts

    In the vast sky of our consciousness, thoughts are like clouds—ephemeral, shifting, and ever-changing. Guru Rinpoche, Padmasambhava, once said, “Your thoughts naturally occur and naturally dissipate like clouds in the sky. To see for yourself if this is true, look into your own mind.” This profound teaching invites us to directly experience the nature of our thoughts, not as obstacles or distractions but as natural occurrences that reveal the underlying clarity of the mind.

    The Nature of Thoughts: Clouds in the Sky

    Our minds are often busy, filled with an endless stream of thoughts, emotions, and sensations. These mental activities can feel overwhelming, leading us to believe that they define who we are. However, just as clouds in the sky come and go without altering the vastness of the sky itself, our thoughts are transient, arising from nothing and dissolving back into nothing.

    When we closely observe our thoughts without attachment or aversion, we begin to see their impermanent nature. Each thought, no matter how intense or insignificant, arises, lingers for a moment, and then fades away, making room for the next. This process happens naturally, without any effort on our part.

    Looking into the Mind: A Path to Clarity

    Guru Rinpoche’s instruction to “look into your own mind” is an invitation to practice mindfulness and meditation. By turning our attention inward and observing our thoughts, we can witness their natural ebb and flow. This practice does not require us to stop thinking or to eliminate thoughts; rather, it encourages us to watch them with a gentle curiosity.

    As we continue this practice, we might notice that between the thoughts, there are moments of stillness—gaps where the mind is clear and undisturbed. These gaps reveal the pristine nature of the mind, untouched by the comings and goings of thoughts. This pristine mind is our true essence, a state of pure awareness that is always present, even when we are caught up in the whirlwind of our thoughts.

    The Pristine Mind: Our True Nature

    Recognizing the impermanent nature of thoughts and the underlying clarity of the mind leads to a profound shift in our understanding of ourselves. We begin to see that we are not our thoughts; rather, we are the space in which thoughts arise and dissipate. This space, the pristine mind, is vast, boundless, and inherently peaceful.

    By resting in this awareness, we can experience a sense of freedom and spaciousness, even in the midst of life’s challenges. The more we practice, the more we realize that this pristine mind is always accessible, like the clear sky that remains unchanged regardless of the clouds that pass through it.

    Embracing the Reality of Thoughts

    Guru Rinpoche’s teaching encourages us to directly experience the nature of our thoughts, revealing the pristine mind that lies beneath. Through mindfulness and meditation, we can cultivate the ability to observe our thoughts without getting entangled in them, allowing us to rest in the clarity and peace of our true nature.

    As we deepen our understanding of this reality, we can approach life with greater equanimity and compassion, knowing that, like clouds in the sky, our thoughts naturally occur and naturally dissipate, leaving the pristine mind untouched and ever-present. Pristine mind meditation involves resting in this type of awareness, allowing us to return to our innate state of clarity, spaciousness, and inner peace.

    The Benefits of Reconnecting with the Pristine Mind

    Reconnecting with the ever-present stillness and wisdom within us through pristine mind meditation brings profound benefits to our daily lives. As we practice resting in this awareness, we begin to experience a greater sense of calm and stability. The storms of life, once overwhelming, become less daunting as we learn to view our thoughts and emotions as passing phenomena, rather than something to be feared or controlled. This inner calm allows us to navigate stress and anxiety with more ease, providing a stable foundation from which we can respond to life’s challenges.

    In addition to this newfound tranquility, our mental clarity and focus also improve. With a mind less cluttered by constant, often distracting thoughts, we can approach our daily tasks with a sharper focus and a clearer perspective. This heightened clarity not only makes us more effective in our personal and professional lives, but it also allows us to make decisions with greater confidence and insight.

    As we continue to engage with the practice of pristine mind meditation, we naturally cultivate a deeper sense of compassion and understanding toward others. Recognizing the transient nature of our own thoughts leads to a profound empathy for the shared human experience. We begin to see that others, too, are navigating their own internal landscapes, which fosters more meaningful and compassionate relationships.

    Moreover, the stillness of the pristine mind is a source of boundless wisdom and creativity. When we rest in this awareness, we open ourselves to insights and solutions that might not be accessible through ordinary thinking. This connection to our inner wisdom enriches our creative processes and allows us to approach problems with fresh perspectives, often leading to innovative solutions and deeper understanding.

    Finally, the practice of pristine mind meditation strengthens our emotional resilience. By regularly connecting with the deep-rooted stillness within us, we develop an inner strength that enables us to face difficulties with grace and composure. This resilience is born from the understanding that our true nature remains untouched by the temporary storms of life, allowing us to move through challenges with greater ease and confidence.

    Incorporating this practice into our daily lives helps us live with a sense of balance, insight, and joy, enriching our experience of life in every moment. As we reconnect with the ever-present stillness and wisdom within, we find ourselves more deeply attuned to the world around us, able to face life’s challenges with equanimity, and to embrace its beauty with an open heart.

    🙏🕊️🙏

    If you’re interested in exploring this transformative approach further, I highly recommend Orgyen Chowang’s book The Pristine Mind. His teachings provide a clear, compassionate path toward uncovering the inherent purity of our mind, offering a source of deep fulfillment and lasting peace.

  • Book Review: The Unchanging Nature of Our Pristine Mind

    “The luminous nature of mind, like the changeless sky, is unaffected by temporary events.”

    — Bodhisattva Maitreya

    Imagine for a moment a vast, clear sky—limitless, unbounded, and pure. No matter how many clouds pass through, how fierce the storms, or how thick the fog, the sky itself remains unchanged. It is always there, spacious and untouched by the ever-changing weather. This metaphor, beautifully articulated by Orgyan Chowang in his book The Pristine Mind, offers us a powerful insight into the nature of our own mind. While the events of our ordinary mind—our thoughts, emotions, and experiences—may shift and change, the pristine mind, like the sky, remains clear and constant. This realization is fundamental to our spiritual growth and inner peace.

    The Metaphor of the Sky and Clouds:

    Chowang’s analogy is simple yet profound. The sky represents our pristine mind—our true nature, which is inherently pure and spacious. The clouds, on the other hand, symbolize the thoughts and emotions that arise within us. These clouds can be dark and stormy or light and fleeting, but no matter their nature, they never alter the sky itself. The sky doesn’t cling to the clouds or resist them; it simply allows them to pass through. In the same way, our pristine mind is untouched by the transient mental events that arise and dissolve within it.

    The Ordinary Mind vs. the Pristine Mind:

    In our day-to-day lives, we often operate from what Chowang calls the “ordinary mind.” This is the aspect of our consciousness where thoughts, emotions, and perceptions arise. It’s where we experience the ups and downs of life, the stress, the joy, the anxiety, and the pleasure. This ordinary mind is reactive, constantly shifting in response to external stimuli. But beneath this ever-changing surface lies the pristine mind—clear, stable, and unchanging. It’s the essence of who we are, untainted by the mental chatter and emotional turbulence that often dominate our awareness.

    Realizing the Pristine Mind:

    The journey toward realizing and connecting with our pristine mind begins with awareness. By observing our thoughts and emotions without attachment, we can start to see them as clouds passing through the sky of our mind. Meditation is a powerful tool in this process. By sitting in stillness and watching our thoughts come and go, we begin to disidentify with them. We realize that while our thoughts and emotions are transient, there is a deeper part of us that remains unchanged—this is our pristine mind. With practice, we learn to rest in this unchanging awareness, experiencing a profound sense of peace and clarity.

    The Importance of This Realization:

    Understanding that our true nature is the pristine mind brings immense benefits. It allows us to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience. When we recognize that the storms of thoughts and emotions are temporary, we are less likely to get caught up in them. We can face difficulties with equanimity, knowing that, like clouds, they will pass. This realization also fosters compassion—for ourselves and others. When we understand that everyone’s ordinary mind is subject to the same fluctuations, we can approach each other with greater kindness and understanding.

    Practical Application:

    To begin connecting with your pristine mind, try this simple meditation: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine your mind as a vast, clear sky. As thoughts and emotions arise, visualize them as clouds passing through this sky. Don’t try to push them away or hold onto them; simply observe them as they come and go. Notice that no matter what clouds appear, the sky—your pristine mind—remains unchanged. Practice this regularly, and gradually, you’ll find yourself less caught up in the drama of your ordinary mind, and more grounded in the peace of your true nature.

    Closing Reflection:

    In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to get swept away by the ever-changing events of our ordinary mind. But by remembering and connecting with our pristine mind—the clear, spacious awareness that remains untouched by life’s storms—we can find a deep and abiding sense of peace. This realization, as Orgyan Chowang so beautifully explains, is one of the most fundamental insights on the path of spiritual growth. As we move through life, let us strive to remember the sky within us, always present, always pure, no matter the clouds that may pass through.

    “The luminous nature of mind, like the changeless sky, is unaffected by temporary events.” As we deepen our understanding and connection to this luminous, unchanging aspect of our being, may we find peace and clarity even in the midst of life’s storms. Like the sky that holds all weather, may we learn to hold all our experiences with the spaciousness of our pristine mind. May this awareness illuminate our path and our interactions, bringing light and compassion to ourselves and others.

    🙏🕊️🙏

    If you’re interested in exploring this transformative approach further, I highly recommend Orgyen Chowang’s book The Pristine Mind. His teachings provide a clear, compassionate path toward uncovering the inherent purity of our mind, offering a source of deep fulfillment and lasting peace.

    https://www.amazon.com/Our-Pristine-Mind-Practical-Unconditional/dp/1611803276?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7h2Mn6nGCEvNAtdxqXJFEQ.cfS41GPBpvKD48wuy3LsI9fZn2JzlZfM62Tiwc8nRd0&qid=1723623894&sr=8-1&linkCode=ll1&tag=globa0f5-20&linkId=2fe82111567d0e297438f98043c1392e&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl

  • Book Review: Navigating Chronic Illness with Tony Bernhard’s ‘How to Be Sick’

    Greetings Everyone…. This is about one of the absolutely best, most helpful books, I have ever found, about living with ME/CFS.

    Toni Bernhard’s “How to Be Sick” is a powerful and insightful book that offers a unique perspective on the challenges faced by those suffering from chronic illnesses such as ME/CFS, Long Covid, and other similar conditions.

    The book is written with great empathy, warmth, and practicality, providing readers with a wealth of information, insights, and practical tools to help them manage their condition and live a more fulfilling life.

    One of the most compelling aspects of this book is the author’s own experience of living with chronic illness. Toni Bernhard was a law professor when she became ill with a viral infection that left her bedridden and in constant pain. This experience gave her a unique perspective on what it’s like to live with a chronic illness, and she shares her insights and wisdom in a way that is both accessible and highly relatable.

    The book is divided into three parts, each addressing a different aspect of living with chronic illness. The first part focuses on the emotional and psychological challenges of coping with chronic illness, including the grief, loss, and isolation that can accompany such conditions. The second part offers practical advice on managing symptoms, including pain, fatigue, and brain fog, while the third part offers guidance on how to cultivate a sense of meaning and purpose in life despite illness.

    What sets this book apart from other self-help books for chronic illness is the author’s emphasis on mindfulness and compassion. Throughout the book, Toni Bernhard stresses the importance of being present in the moment, accepting one’s condition with kindness and compassion, and cultivating a sense of gratitude for the small joys in life.

    She also offers a range of practical mindfulness exercises and meditations that can help readers to cultivate these qualities in themselves.

    Overall, “How to Be Sick” is an essential read for anyone living with chronic illness, especially those suffering from ME/CFS, Long Covid, and other similar conditions. The book is not only packed with practical advice and insights, but it also offers a powerful message of hope and resilience that can help readers to find meaning and purpose in their lives despite illness.

    I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to live a more fulfilling life with chronic illness.

    Essentially… “How to Be Sick” by Toni Bernhard is a guidebook for people living with chronic illness or chronic pain. Toni, who was diagnosed with the sudden onset of chronic fatigue, shares her personal experiences and provides practical advice for managing physical and emotional challenges associated with chronic illness.

    Toni encourages us to accept our condition, practice mindfulness, and cultivate gratitude to improve our quality of life. The book also offers insights into navigating relationships, communicating with healthcare providers, and adapting to a new way of life.

    Without a doubt, “How to Be Sick” provides a compassionate and empowering approach to living with chronic illness. It is one of the most helpful and useful books I have ever read on the subject of living with chronic fatigue.

    Dear friends, If you have found any other books, that you would highly recommend, please share them in the comments section below – it is very possible that others can benefit from your suggestions as well.

    I personally, highly recommend this book to anyone experiencing ME/CFS, Long Covid or chronic illness of any kind. You can usually find a used copy on Amazon.

    May we all find peace, joy and wellbeing on our journey through life.

    🙏🕊️🙏