Neti Neti Series No. 9: Overcoming Self-Doubt in Meditation

Question:

For many years, the mental events that disturbed me the most were those that questioned, “Am I doing this right or wrong? Am I achieving anything beneficial, or am I just wasting my time?” But today, these doubts had no effect. I simply said, “Not this, not this,” recognizing them as just mental events arising. This mantra is bringing me a freedom from years of anxiety and self-doubt. It’s a significant release. How can I nurture and deepen this newfound freedom in my meditation?

Dear friend,

What a significant and liberating insight you have encountered! For many years, those persistent questions—”Am I doing this right?” “Am I wasting my time?”—have cast a shadow over your practice, pulling you into a cycle of doubt and anxiety. And yet, in this round, you have discovered a simple and profound truth: these doubts are nothing more than mental events, no different from any other thoughts that arise in the mind.

Doubt, particularly the kind that questions whether we are on the right path, can be one of the most insidious obstacles in our practice. It arises from the ego’s need for certainty and validation, from a fear of failure or the unknown. These doubts can be particularly disturbing because they strike at the very heart of our efforts, making us question whether we are moving forward or merely spinning our wheels.

But now, you have seen through the illusion. By applying the mantra “Not This, Not This” to these doubts, you have recognized them for what they are—simply thoughts, passing phenomena in the mind. They have no more substance or power than any other mental event. In meeting these doubts with “Not This, Not This,” you have taken away their sting, their ability to disturb your peace. They are no longer something to fear or wrestle with; they are just another ripple on the surface of the mind’s vast ocean.

This realization brings with it a profound freedom. No longer are you bound by the need to do things “right” or the fear of doing them “wrong.” Instead, you can rest in the simplicity of the practice, free from judgment, free from the constant questioning that once held you back. This freedom is not a small thing; it is a significant release, a letting go of years of accumulated doubt and anxiety. It is a gift that allows you to move forward with greater ease and confidence, trusting in the process without the need for constant validation.

Indeed, this is a significant moment in your journey. The doubts that once plagued you have lost their power, and in their place, you have found a deeper sense of peace and self-acceptance. This is the true power of the mantra “Not This, Not This”—it transforms not just your meditation, but your entire relationship with yourself. It frees you from the chains of doubt and allows you to walk your path with a lighter heart and a clearer mind.

My dear friend, this is a beautiful and important step on your journey. Continue with this practice, allowing the mantra to guide you ever deeper into the heart of stillness and clarity. Trust in yourself, and know that you are moving in the right direction, free from the burdens of doubt and self-judgment.

🙏🕊️🙏