Beyond Objects: The Paradox of the Ever-Present Subject in Self-Inquiry

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In the practice of self-inquiry, particularly when meditating on questions like “Who am I?” or “What am I?”, a profound paradox often arises. The goal is not to discover another object—another thought, concept, or identity—but to realize the ever-present subject, the pure awareness that is always observing but is itself never observed. This exploration can lead to confusion as the mind, accustomed to dealing with objects, struggles to grasp something that cannot be grasped.

The Subject and the Object

In our daily lives, we interact with the world primarily through objects. These objects include not just physical things, but also thoughts, emotions, and even our sense of self. When we engage in self-inquiry, asking “Who am I?” or “What am I?”, the mind instinctively begins to search for an answer within the realm of objects. It looks for another label, another identity that it can understand and define. But the subject—the true Self—eludes this search because it is not an object that can be categorized or comprehended by the mind.

The Ever-Present Subject

The subject is the awareness that perceives all objects. It is the constant, unchanging presence that observes everything else that changes. This subject is not a “who” or a “what” because it does not belong to the realm of objects. It is the essence of our being, the ground of all experience, yet it cannot be objectified, labeled, or defined.

The Confusion of Objectifying the Subject

As we delve deeper into self-inquiry, confusion often arises. The mind, which is designed to understand and manipulate objects, finds itself at a loss when it tries to apply the same approach to the subject. It’s like trying to see your own eyes without a mirror—the subject cannot see itself because it is the one doing the seeing. This confusion is not a failure but an indication that the mind is approaching its own limits.

This paradox is a critical aspect of self-inquiry. It signals the point at which the mind must cease its usual operations and simply rest in awareness. The subject, or true Self, is not to be found as an object out there, but recognized as the very awareness in which the search is taking place.

Embracing the Paradox

To move beyond this confusion, it’s essential to let go of the need for an intellectual answer. The question “Who am I?” or “What am I?” is not meant to yield a concept or a new identity. Instead, it serves to turn the mind back on itself, leading to the realization that you are neither a “who” nor a “what,” but the pure awareness that is aware of all things.

The confusion that arises is a natural and necessary part of this process. It is the mind’s way of signaling that it cannot turn the subject into an object, and this realization opens the door to a deeper understanding. By allowing this confusion to be, without trying to resolve it into a tidy intellectual answer, you can begin to rest in the pure presence of awareness itself.

Alternative Mantras for Self-Inquiry

If the traditional self-inquiry questions “Who am I?” or “What am I?” lead to a sense of dead end or confusion, you might find it helpful to use a different approach. Here are some alternative mantras or inquiries that can help guide you toward the reality of the subject—the pure awareness that is your true nature:

1. “I am That” (Soham or Tat Tvam Asi): This mantra emphasizes the non-dual realization that your true Self is one with the ultimate reality, Brahman. It helps dissolve the identification with the mind and body, guiding you toward unity with infinite consciousness.
2. “I am” (Aham): Focusing on the phrase “I am” without any descriptors can tune you into the presence of pure awareness, the basic sense of existence before it becomes entangled with thoughts and identities.
3. “Be Still and Know”: Inspired by the biblical phrase, this mantra encourages you to settle into stillness and recognize the presence of awareness, leading to a deeper understanding of your true nature.
4. “Pure Awareness” or “Consciousness Only”: These mantras directly affirm the nature of the subject as pure awareness, allowing you to focus on the awareness in which all experiences arise and dissolve.
5. “Not this, not that” (Neti Neti): The practice of Neti Neti involves negating all that is not the Self, guiding your awareness back to the subject—the pure, unchanging consciousness.
6. “I Am Presence”: This mantra emphasizes the feeling of existence without attaching it to any identity or role, helping you anchor in the experience of pure being.
7. “Silent Witness”: Focusing on “Silent Witness” helps shift your attention to the observing presence within you, reminding you that you are the silent witness to all that occurs.
8. “Who is aware?”: If “Who am I?” feels too abstract, “Who is aware?” can be a more direct pointer, helping you realize that the awareness observing everything is not an object but the subject itself.

Each of these mantras offers a different pathway to recognizing the ever-present subject, the awareness that is your true Self. By choosing one that resonates with you and practicing it consistently, you can deepen your understanding and experience of pure awareness.

Conclusion: Resting in Awareness

Meditating on “Who am I?” or “What am I?” is not about finding an object or a new identity but about recognizing the ever-present subject—the pure awareness that is your true nature. This subject is beyond all concepts of “who” or “what,” and any confusion that arises is a natural part of the mind’s journey towards self-realization.

By embracing this paradox and resting in the awareness that is always present, you move closer to the realization of your true nature—beyond all objects, beyond all concepts, as the pure, unchanging awareness that you truly are.

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